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Brian_Kinney

Yes! Yes, they do! I've had to disable the chat feature for myself here on Reddit because random people keep sliding into my DMs to try and chat me up. I doubt they'd be messaging me if this was an image-based forum and they could see what I look like. But while I'm just a username, they get to imagine how I am. One of them said he liked my *firm*, *direct*, *dominating* moderation style - with the implication that he wanted me to dominate *him*. It's all so creepy. So I switched off the chat feature to stop people messaging me.


PM_ME_THE_NSFW_GAY

It was probably cause you named your account “Brian Kinney”, everyone on that show wanted to get in his pants


DCR_03

That's exactly what I think. I don't know you so it's just weird that talk to you out of the blue


Tusillio

Its how lonely, alienated people reach out?


hoeliath

You're doing exactly that here so... lol


Brian_Kinney

I've implicitly invited discussion by posting a public comment in his thread. That's *very* different to him sending me a private message out of the blue.


hoeliath

What are you even talking about? Lol. I'm talking about the fact when you show your face on Reddit = You're not so shy / worry about internet creeps that much. IMO.


Brian_Kinney

You said "you're doing exactly that here" in response to the OP's comment where they replied to me and said it's weird to talk to someone out of the blue. *We're* talking about when it's appropriate to chat to someone online. I don't know what *you're* talking about. Noone mentioned showing their face on Reddit.


[deleted]

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Brian_Kinney

> I find it kind of hilarious (and I’m hoping you can see the humor too) Not really. It's not funny when people do things that annoy me.


[deleted]

God, you just reminded me of a 30 something guy that tried to slide into my DMs and get me to look at his nudes after I mentioned I dressed femininely sometimes. I’m 17, and that behaviour is revolting.


hoeliath

uhm yeah... that's how u meet people in 2020 hello lol. I've had some very nice hookups just cuz I see a guy I like and comment his stories like "nice lips", "damn you looking good", and they answer and then I take it from there... Instagram can be used as Grindr without a problem so basically what I'm saying is yeah, people really do that.


DCR_03

IDK, maybe I'm too shy. But I can't imagine myself just casually sliding into a guy's DM


hoeliath

u say ur too shy yet I've been on Reddit for a while now and you're the first person I see with an actual photo of himself on here as ur avatar ..


DCR_03

I don't think that means anything


hoeliath

To me it means you're definitely not that shy.


the-wanderer-soul

To me it shows that he's not pretending to be someone that he isn't. Shy doesn't mean invisible or completely private, it means you don't speak out constantly.


stl696969

Upvote this FTW!!!!!!


hoeliath

I said TO ME. You said To me. It's subjective . Period.


the-wanderer-soul

Oof, did I strike a nerve with someone that's hiding behind an animated character as their photo? Also, it's not subjective when you're calling someone out. (To quote you) Period.


[deleted]

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the-wanderer-soul

I'm pretty sure that out of the more than 7 billion people on the planet, I would be the one to "literally" know exactly what *I'm* saying. You get a clue, your opinion is unpopular deal with it.


[deleted]

Yes they do. I met someone on Reddit a little over a month ago who sent me a message after I followed them. Since then we've communicated every single day and we're getting along really well and I'm really excited to see where things go.


nunkyfun

Yep, that's how I met my bf :)


heisweird

I dmed a guy living in another country and now we are dating. We decided to meet irl and we clicked. Long distance is difficult and I wish we were living in the same city but we’ll see. Maybe in the future.


KitHere

Just say Hi, Hello, or something witty. It's just like meeting someone irl. Go say hi and strike up a conversation.


chiriboy

I once heard someone say Instagram is Tinder for attractive people lmao. You should try it. I have received DMs from strangers and it makes me feel good, so is not creepy if you manage to be assertive and can understand if the orher person is not interested :)


CrispyPepperZZ

Same, but i think dis is a problem dat socially awkward people will never understand, maybe alil sprinkles of anxiety in there too.


theprayingmantris

I’ve taken to posting (fully clothed) pictures of myself on Reddit lately because the quarantine is getting in my head a bit and I like the validation I’m getting. I don’t state that I’m open to DMs anywhere in my posts/bio, yet people seem to love dropping me a message like “you’re 100% my type” or “you’re so fucking sexy/beautiful”. Once someone started chatting to me just to get dick pics. I guess it’s to be expected since I’m putting my photos out there but I didn’t think people were that desperate to hound someone for nudes.


DCR_03

Well, that's also kind of my point. I don't want to come out as a creepy person


theprayingmantris

Yeah, I get where you’re coming from exactly. I think DMs with people who welcome it are definitely free game, especially if they’re already posting their nudes online. The likelihood is they would be more accepting of strangers randomly filling their inbox. In my case, it’s not like I won’t want to respond to people who decide to message me or hit me up in a chat. I just choose to ignore those with clear ulterior motives, because I’m not really the type who is comfortable sending/posting nudes and I realise that most people DM me for that sole purpose. Sometimes it’ll just be a compliment but I also don’t understand why they couldn’t do it in a comment, especially since most Reddit users keep themselves anonymous anyways by not linking their account to their names or by hiding behind a false avatar.


DCR_03

I agree 100%


throwaway17061

yes, they do.


brunettedude

It really depends on the platform and how you represent yourself on there. If you talk about sex or post selfies on Reddit, sometimes you’ll get a message. If you post shirtless selfies on Instagram, you might too. I’m not active on Instagram or Facebook anymore, so I don’t get messages there anymore. I used to put my snapchat on Grindr and receive messages there. But honestly, if you put Instagram/Snap/Twitter/TikTok on Grindr, of fucking course guys are going to “slide into your DMs.” You’re practically giving them lube.


lifeingotham

I wonder how many guys sent him a DM after he posted this. Maybe that was the plan the whole time the sly fo'x


DCR_03

Haha, not at all. Just 1 person did


lifeingotham

Lol. How was that for you? Did you panic? Or was it a perfectly smooth transaction 🙂


DCR_03

I haven't answered, it was just saying it's pretty common 😅


lifeingotham

I know you’re new to DMs with strangers but you can’t leave my man hanging 🙃 So who was it you wanted to send a DM to that started all of this?


DCR_03

No one in particular, I've just seen these attractive people on social media that say like "feel free to PM me" and can't even imagine of actually doing it And also, should I respond to something like that? "Ok"? There's not a lot I could say (I'm being verbally hostage)


lifeingotham

You and I are essentially DMing right now just in public. You’re definitely overthinking it friend. Every person is different so every conversation is different but you have nothing to lose by reaching out to someone especially if they are saying go ahead and do it. “Hey how are you?” is a pretty neutral opener.


DCR_03

But it's different, this is public and less creepy


lifeingotham

Difference of opinion I suppose. We don’t know who is reading this which is Olin my opinion creepier than knowing it’s for your eyes only.


DCR_03

I had not thought about it. I guess both are pretty creepy 😓


Brian_Kinney

Another thing for you and /u/DCR_03 to consider is that because these comments are in a subreddit, they can be moderated by the subreddit's moderators (me!). There's a level of accountability required from public comments which can be evaded in private messages.


-i-am-clueless-

My mind instantly thought this was DnD related, i was mistaken


JDinWV74

I’ve met some of my closest friends and my best LTRs from just reaching out , if you’re cool and not an asshole it can be great


ineedtoknowmorenow

Yep. My current relarionship happened because of this.


intheclosetitsucks

Yes but be wary of guys who try to seem welcoming for the sole purpose of getting you to follow them and engage with their posts. But most times the worst case is they ignore you or say no, so take a chance and slide


venterol

Well, kinda yeah. If it's porn and they say DMs are welcome, use that chance to send some thirsty comments and maybe start some slutty roleplay. If it's a shared interest, an artist I really like, someone that could use advice, etc. I might send a DM along those lines. Even if it's a total stranger, I approach it as "We don't know each other, but we have X in common, so maybe we can get to know each other?" It's daunting at first, but chatting with strangers online helped me to eventually chat with strangers IRL. I've gone off partying with people I've known for maybe 2 minutes but by the end of the night feels like we've been friends for years (music festivals are great for this atmosphere).


TheAgeGapGuys

Get it allllll the time on IG. The amount of people that just assume we want a threesome, and also that we must find them attractive too is crazy!?!


DCR_03

That's what I don't understand how can you jusy assume something like that and be so chill to just do it


Etaylor91

It’s literally the same thing as approaching a stranger in public. How else are you supposed to talk to and get to know people? Surely not through a comment thread. Im sure the experience can go the same way it does in real life; it can be creepy and the other person isn’t into it, or maybe they are- there are a million different scenarios. I’ve made many friends this way. It’s only as weird as you make it.


DCR_03

Idk, I just think it's invasive


Brian_Kinney

> Surely not through a comment thread. In a comment thread, when you're discussing something, one of you can invite the other one to join them in DMs. There's consent and agreement. Invitation, rather than intrusion.


Soleseeker00

How else am I supposed to get anonymous action?


DCR_03

Hahaha


[deleted]

You're overthinking it I think. As you practice and get use to talking to guys that anxiety of not knowing what to say next will gradually fade away and not bother you anymore. Always ask open ended questions. That means no questions where the answer is yes or no. Be confident, be yourself, be safe. Good Luck !


[deleted]

lol yep. actually made a couple friends out of it


Just-a-bloke-001

Yes people do it especially if there’s a request on their profile to do it. ‘Bone structure’? Yeah that would weird someone out as they would think you want to kill them. Everyone you have ever met was a stranger at some point and you needed initial contact. Obviously if you find them attractive, say so. They will respond if they find you attractive or not. Don’t be too high maintainance about it though. Stay chilled. Don’t take things too personally. Sometimes its a match though.


DCR_03

Well, that was just an example of what I'd probably do. And I get that everyone was a stranger at one point but also IRL you wouldn't just approach someone out of the blue like... "Hey 😏"


Just-a-bloke-001

Yes that’s how you meet people IRL at bars and clubs. You see each other first and if you like each other you say hey. This way you have pix of yourself and say hey. Same thing.


Brian_Kinney

> You see each other first and if you like each other you say hey. But there's mutual eye contact to express your shared interest before either of you speaks. You can't do that non-verbal signalling online. As the messager, you have no idea if your target is interested. As the messagee, you have no idea who's going to appear in your inbox. In a bar, you can see them coming and signal them to come or to stay away.


Just-a-bloke-001

Duh. Its protracted. You have to wait for their response. Who knew online communication isn’t immediate as it is in person. Its still the same method. Its ok. No one’s forcing you to contact anyone. I do it all the time. You don’t have to if you’re too scared.


Brian_Kinney

> You don’t have to if you’re too scared. Don't assume that I'm too scared to message people. I think it's creepy, not scary.


Just-a-bloke-001

It’s normal mate. Thats how everyone’s communicating now.


Brian_Kinney

Random DMs to strangers? I still think it's creepy. At least in a nightclub I can see if someone is attractive, check out how they dress, and see their body language. Here on Reddit, I've got nothing to go on when someone slides into my DMs. I can't even tell if they're overage. Also, they're *very* unlikely to live in my area (I have no interest in long-distance "relationship" consisting only of chat messages). That's why I disabled chat for myself.


Just-a-bloke-001

You do you. The rest of the world doesn’t see it as creepy. Its the same way humans have communicated but now slower and online. Good luck only meeting people in clubs or bars as they’re shutting down because communication is now online. If you were of an age that actually went to bars and clubs in the 80/90/00’s you’d know there was lots of creepy communication in person too. Lol.


Brian_Kinney

So I should accept that random strangers who I don't know, can't see, who could pretend to be anyone, will just slide into my DMs. And 99.9% of those people don't live anywhere near me, so the chat will end up being pointless. But this is the way things are done now, so I should just go with it.


kanetsukuri

I see you're not the type of small talk too. I have DMs open but I'm sure I can scare everyone away after the first message.


DCR_03

Yeah, pretty much. I also get frozen if I think the guy is attractive 😅


[deleted]

When you were a little kid and went to the playground (usually with your mom or siblings), didn't you ever go up to a complete strangers and ask: "Do you wanna play?" Well think of it as a new playground, same question.....


theprayingmantris

Wait, is this a normal thing for kids to do? As a kid I wasn’t comfortable around anyone who wasn’t my family.


[deleted]

Kids playing in parks was very common when/where I grew up; and I think that the same was true when my generation's children grew up, as well. I rode my bike to school, alone or with my older brother, when I was in first grade; we crossed two busy streets and fought with dogs. I started going to our municipal tennis courts when I was about 8. I'd always get home before dark, until I hit my teens. And I was considered to be "protected" by my age-mates. I saw similar kid-related things during my early career in the Midwest. I'm not sure when kids stopped being free-range.


beChboy049

Hey there


throwawaygay9099

Yes, met my ex this way and some of my closest friends (all Instagram). Funny thing is that nobody believes me when I tell.


Emojilover7

That's what Grindr is


Brian_Kinney

Grindr is a dating app. By making a profile on Grindr, you're implicitly inviting contacts. Reddit and Instagram aren't dating apps. They don't have the same assumptions and culture.


Ron_Bryant

Of course, they do! And yes, you're overthinking it :) DMs are just like any other means of communicating, but personally I find messaging people directly much more comfortable than posting something in public... then again, everyone is different. Starting a conversation may be super tough, but once you say hey, and the fact that you've liked their photo/recent post/comment, etc the conversation may start to flow naturally and you won't have to think about it too much.


Chuck5699

Well, it hasn’t happened on Reddit, at least yet. But I received a DM on Twitter from a guy in Maine (I’m in California). He turned out to be in the exact same circumstances as me and now we are really good friends who chat almost every day. We plan on meeting up this summer the lockdown permitting?