T O P

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nonilpadre

Consistently putting down others for no reason just to feel better about themselves


EmilioTextivez

This is the answer. Insecurity. The need to bring others down to meet your substandard shit level.


No-Grapefruit1025

Disrespecting your server


Adventurous-Apricot

Boy do I feel slow, I instantly thought of like discord or game servers and couldn't see the connection lol


No_Hetero

Your connection to the server was poor


OppH2040

"As an Alpha male......."


ds_Gardening

Do people say that? Like out loud?


OppH2040

Yes, and they expect to be take them serious lol


EmperorKaito

People who comment about having a big dick give off small dick energy ngl


BrentHatley

That's why I make a point to never talk about my gigantic, perfectly proportioned and immaculately groomed penis, despite the immense praise I get from my many satisfied female partners.


karmagod13000

its so nice to hear some honesty out of reddit sometimes


[deleted]

[удалено]


karmagod13000

doesn't it feel nice to get that off your chest


BrentHatley

Well I figure if I'm going to be a well hung, successful and extravagantly wealthy entrepreneur who models underwear for charity on the side, I may as well be an honest, well hung, successful and extravagantly wealthy entrepreneur who models underwear for charity on the side.


trickybeanz

I can't argue with that.


xenophon57

I made a self targeted little weiner joke at a party and this guy couldn't get over the fact I made fun of my own penis, he pretty much followed me around reciting the joke the rest of the party. It was sooo weird I think the guy was super insecure around the women at the party and was trying to make me the focus of his insecurity.


Catshager

Chode gang for life Thanks for the rewards and upvotes chode gang


Imafish12

Hung like a tuna can


TheDank_Knight

Can’t hit the bottom but I can blow out the sides


Smittywerbenjagerman

Well, that's enough reddit for me today.


SoSoAverage

Shits just getting started and you already had enough? Smh


Andoryuu83

Using penis size as a measure of value


z_rabbit

*[PENIS FOR SCALE]*


Puffimn

Did you know the sun is only 4.9866667 Trillion “my dick”s away from the earth?


z_rabbit

I did some quick math: The sun is 93 million miles from earth. There are 63,360 inches in a mile. 93,000,000 x 63,360 = 5,892,480,000,000 inches to the sun. If you divide that by 4.9866667 trillion of your dicks (4,986,666,700,000) , you are left with 1.181647050 inches per dick. ... My condolences. I hope you've got magic hands.


west_end_squirrel

r/theydidthemath


Epidemigod

How much energy would that create?


Massive-Risk

If the amount of penis you have is correlated with how much you're valued in life, I'm in trouble.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nudelwurst3

same


karmagod13000

^same


wolfxorix

Same but without the format


thenakedapeforeveer

Hey, no hating. If it weren't for small dick energy, I'd have no energy at all.


mistercolebert

This person secretly has a ridiculously large dick


DragoonDM

It's not the dick on the outside that matters. It's the dick _inside_ you that—wait, no, that doesn't sound quite right...


TH3_V3GAS

no, keep going.


brownguy254

Seriously... keep going.


WillFerrellsGutFold

I’m almost there….


JudgeMoose

Too far! Too far!


Uffda01

back up most of the way and try again...


Georgeisthecoolest

and repeat


iHateYou247

Much better


TheGreatDingALing

My username screams small dick energy.


amusedbuch

People who put the fake balls on the back of their car


PoochusMaximus

had a boss who needed to get a nut removed for testicular cancer. his friends bought truck nuts, chopped one off and then padlocked it to his truck. thats the only acceptable use of truck nuts.


bedroom_guitarist

Going to be honest, I want to get a really tiny car and put the biggest pair of truck nuts on it so it drags around. I’d have to put wheels on the nuts lol


IncredulousPatriot

I have a great big front end loader at my work. One of the guys found a tiny keychain version Trucknuts and hung it off the back. Now our great big loader has the tiniest pair of balls hanging on the back. Since you asked to see my tiny balls. Here is a picture of my CAT. My dog. And my tiny balls. https://imgur.com/a/UHiYv5L


Mernerak

And now that guy is CEO


whatcolorwasit

and that man's name, Albert Einstein


last_train_to_space

The wheels on the nuts go round and round


IrememberXenogears

Is it cool if I also have the headlight lashes?


Admiral_Pantsless

Trans-portation


fuckin_ded

Drag racer


Jonnyg1c

What if I don’t want anyone to think my car is a girl? Bc he’s not 😡


FeatherShard

Heh, you ride a dude.


[deleted]

[удалено]


bruce5783

As opposed to real balls on the back of your truck?


baggins1944

I have a medium dick. It talks to ghost.


Accidentalmom

This is hilarious. Take my free award lol


GrimmRetails

Shouting at a cashier, barrista, or employee of any establishment or profession for something that's not their fault.


brownies671

My mom has small dick energy


CrazyCatLadysmells

I grew up fearing "the bear," as my dad called it. My mom would brag about being the Karen of all Karen's. She'd make a huge scene, all because that bottle of water rang up $0.99, not $0.97. No fucking joke - over 2 cents. She would spend 15 minutes yelling, throwing a fit, and embarrassing the shit out of my brother and I, all over 2 cents. My mom has a micropenis.


Tonynics

Wow I hate your mom so much


Introsium

Yeah FUCK this guy’s mom


Kennedysfatcousin

I too will fuck this guy's mom


smallbrownbike

Doesn’t even matter if it’s their fault, no one should be shouting at anybody for trying to do their job.


neckos

What about shouting your bid at an auctioneer?


n_eats_n

Don't they have little paddles?


SmallTownJerseyBoy

My paddle is enormous, thank you very much


kdmartin0601

Thank goodness you let us know. We’d have never known otherwise.


SafeLopsided3024

Dropping your monster condom for your magnum dong


Adhu2000

Dr mantis toboggan


insultant_

Dennis you got the AIDS real bad.


mtgfan1001

AIDS coming through! Full-blown AIDS!


Reilman79

Just to be clear though, it’s the needle AIDS not the gay AIDS!


Stoomba

Out of the pool, AIDS blood


Capt_Hawkeye_Pierce

You got the AIDS big time


360Entertainment

Had a buddy who used to buy Magnum’s and bragged about how they’re the only thing that fit. One day he’s on a tirade about how great Magnum’s feel and how they’re perfect for him but his GF at the time piped up “if they’re so perfect how come they always fall off”. I about needed medical assistance because I couldn’t breath from laughing so hard!


tyanro7

This belongs in r/murderedbywords


throwawayyoutoo

Damn she roasted him so bad in front of his friends. That's the type of burn you give to a SO you are a week away from breaking up with 😂


Strobooty4

It helps to have a wad of $100’s with you. Then you’re really ready to plow


ballq43

No more thirds for Frankie!!!


mykotis

Seconds from now on!


7empest-tost

I’m here for the scraps


Ondeau

Move in after completion. MAC


SarcasticAFonDuhNet

The FRANK method


glory_of_the_waffle

Being legitimately unkind about other men for their looks or cars or careers or whatever. Inability to leave people the fuck alone.


JBoogie808

Thank you. The real small dick energy is getting worked up over other people’s choices or preferences that have absolutely no impact on your life, happiness, or well being.


Hescoveredinbutter

Calling a woman a slut for rejecting you


nurse_researcher

I’m all for being very gentle with dudes who put themselves out there. It takes so much bravery to admit you like someone and go for it. But if that’s the response to rejection, I want to respond like this: “If I’m that big of a slut, you must understand how completely undesirable you are. Even massive slut me won’t date you, and I fuck everybody. Like, I am the world’s biggest slut. The GOAT. I fucked thousands last week alone. Homeless dudes, wrinkly old men in prison, dudes who smelled like literal death. And I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.” Edit: Friends, thanks for the solidarity and awards. The truth is, people who act like you’re a slut for rejecting them already feel pathetic and small, and it just isn’t necessary to tear them down further. This is the response I’d laugh at hearing in my head, but in reality, I don’t want to stoop to that level. It’s more dignified to just walk away and leave them to their feelings and hope their self-esteem increases so they can stop hating women in order to feel better about themselves.


bookluvr83

"I wouldn't fuck you with SOMEONE ELSE'S pussy"


707royalty

Fuck that's a "pack it up and go work on yourselves for a few years" type of comment


Introsium

Honestly, everyone needs to go work on themselves. Like, this isn’t directly related to your comment, but someone needs to read it. Hell, *I* need to read it. So you, yeah you, person reading this right now. Do something to make sure you’re a better person on Monday. You deserve to love yourself that much. Good luck, I appreciate you.


baldwinsong

“Can I take you out pretty lady?!” “Sorry I’m taken/not interested” “Fuck you slut!”


Sheriff_PJ_Nutteroni

Yes! It's so contradictory. If she were a really a "slut" then that implies she would accept every offer she gets. Rejection is the opposite of being a slut. That logic is like... saying that the sky is green. I'm surprised we don't get called prudes instead. It's just as rude but at least that would actually make sense.


Immortal_Azrael

I always think it's hilarious when a guy who got rejected calls the woman a slut, because it's such a self-burn. So you're saying that even a slut has higher standards than you?


PuzzleheadedStep8889

Calling yourself “Alpha.”


elee0228

I prefer to call myself a gamma male. Because they have a higher rate of penetration.


mymeatpuppets

Nice.


Poem_for_your_sprog

"I am a gamma male," he said. "Exposure to me makes you dead."


Dr_Doctor_Doc

Hahaha hot and fresh. Just like an irradiated corpse…


throwawayssn56

Ah yes, i have an elephant’s foot penis. Its deformed, stubby, and will kill you if you get close to it


South_Power_7954

If a guy calls himself "alpha" I assume what he means by that is "very unstable, and not fit to be in the public."


ReeG

if a guy calls himself "alpha" I practically guarantee they are socially inept, have a very small social circle if they aren't isolated entirely and haven't been laid in years if ever


hewilson2

Exactly. Any guy calling himself alpha, is not by definition.


kaloonzu

"Any man who must say 'I am the king' is no true king"


peoplebetrifling

Real gangsta-ass fellows don't flex nuts cause real gangsta-ass fellows know they got em


Sourgrapist

Reddit mods banning people because they disagree with their opinions.


I_Mak3_M3m3s

Discord admin tried doing this to me once. He goes “I could ban you and nobody would know” and then showed the dm to like 3 other mods. He never got demoted tho. Small dick energy for sure


Bionic29

Reddit mods ~~banning people because they disagree with their opinions~~.


Iregretbeinghereokay

I got banned from Oldschoolcool for posting a picture of a young Bill Clinton meeting JFK. I don’t even like Clinton but it is cool to see a random kid meet the president knowing he too would become president one day.


Suncheets

I got banned from r/food yesterday because I called a guys grilled cheese WITH STEAK ON IT a melt.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mjg580

I got temp banned from food for explaining what traditional guacamole is (it’s certainly not a salad). They said I was gatekeeping guacamole lol.


Casual-Notice

Wait...isn't guacamole just mashed avocado, lemon (lime) juice, and salt? I mean you can add other things if you want, but that's the basic recipe, right?


LaMorak1701

Now, now, take it easy. Don’t have a meltdown.


DeadBeatLad

OP didn’t realize what was at steak.


ASaltyBiscuit

I hate to grill you with so many questions but was this made in a press or a pan it makes all the difference


Level1Roshan

It was a fried cheese.


-Work_Account-

Reddit and the grilled cheese versus melt debate has a.... storied history. Edit: For the famous "discussion" [https://www.reddit.com/r/grilledcheese/comments/2or1p3/you\_people\_make\_me\_sick/](https://www.reddit.com/r/grilledcheese/comments/2or1p3/you_people_make_me_sick/) Thank you to /u/joshawnard for providing said link in a below comment!


FarragoSanManta

Much like the sandwich/hamburger war.


robotwireman

Holy hell! I too got banned from r/food for calling that a melt. Then I replied to the mods asking why and I got MUTED for 28 days and can’t talk to the mods until that’s over.


buttoncupthepup

Muting is even smaller dick energy. Basically saying they can’t defend their reasoning for the ban.


schudermcgavin

Got banned from a sub I hadn't commented on in months, and when I went to ask why, 3 day mute. I went back after and asked again, 3 day mute. I spent about a year asking every 3 days why and getting muted again. Easily a top 5 random internet interaction for me


Angry_Guppy

You likely commented in a different sub that the mods oppose. A lot of mods have so little to do that they’ll lurk subs they don’t like and preemptively ban people.


allomanticpush

Micro dick energy


Hotshot2k4

You guys want to direct me to that post so I can go and call it a melt too? I don't even know what a melt is, but I've only heard bad things about that sub anyway.


Level1Roshan

So you were one of the [removed] people. That comment section was a bloodbath.


Sh_okre996

I was banned from one random sub because I commented on other one. They disliked my opinion


singerisacrook

And when you try to talk about your unjustified ban, they immediately mute you for 30 days. And then you forget your banned, so when you find a post you want to comment on, you typically write out a pretty decent comment that you can't wait to post, but then Reddit tells you you are banned.


JonahGiles

Got banned off of r/anarchy after noting how many rules they have


SelfConsciousCorndog

I got banned for calling out a mod for censorship, it was funny.


jackp0t789

I got banned from a science sub because a mod posted an answer that I wasn't sure of and I replied to it, the first words of that offending reply were, "Please correct me of I'm wrong but..." Since people upvoted my reply as it had another point of view in it, got the ban hammer from the mod I replied to, tried to appeal it, but the mods cover their own.


Analogbuckets

/r/offmychest /r/worldnews /r/canadapolitics /r/canada All of you mods are wimps.


_0x0_

Who mods the mods?


LoanSurviver101

Nobody at all


ken-bone-2020

Men who are over eager to bring up sex in an unrelated convo


CruisingOptimist

Ugh I just hate that! It's like this one time when I was getting a BJ in a bar in Vegas...


swanpappa

at the craps table, whilst rolling a hard 8 (let’s be generous)…


KYLO__R3N

Upon completion everyone clapped and joined me in a rousing rendition of Queen's "We Are The Champions."


DaRealKovi

And then I boned the president's daughter as well


TheConboy22

and then I boned the president because why not.


ClownfishSoup

I know right? I hate that people do that! Now back to the sex I was sexing before I was on Reddit. *sex sex sex* Ah so good to be sexing!


ReeG

"Dear Reddit, what is the sexist sex you ever sexed?" - This subreddit on an hourly basis


Every_Animator4354

Speaking which, did I ever tell you the time I had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom?


Marchatorium

I'm going to check my pies.


Mokunyamari

Roooxane!


steaknjake

NO


Dontdothatfucker

Brittas in the bathroom


Vandergrif

*[Troll-induced screaming]*


thortmb

Ew Pierce!


Teledildonic

What? It came up organically.


GhoulMcG

Just watched the episode that introduced the darkest timeline and I love that in one of them the topic of sex in a bathroom with Pierce/Eartha was set up for him and he didn’t say it (for once). Lol!!


j0lly_gr33n_giant

Darkest timeline was by far my favorite episode. ROXANNE!


Jaksmack

Worked for a guy that had to work last night's sex into every conversation. Worst part was his wife worked there too and would giggle about it and shit...


Level21

Was talking with an old friend from high school recently. Had him join our discord and play a few games, out of nowhere starts talking like a high schooler would about smashing puss. Bro, your 35 and still living with your parents. Stop.


shywalker21

Body shaming


V02D

Extreme jelousy. Controlling behavior. Superiority complex, which is almost always a direct result of an underlying inferiority complex.


elee0228

My boss is getting ridiculous. He looked at my calendar and demanded to know who May was.


ParagonFury

A Pokémon Trainer from the Hoenn Region.


crazymagnet087

ah , a fellow victim


AnalSizedDick

You can tell a lot by someone's username. That's what I heard anyways.


BrassicClassic

I once had one of my subordinates (in the military) comment that I had "big frog energy". Not exactly sure what she meant by that. Maybe it's a thing in pop culture that I just don't know about. Your see small dick energy a LOT in the military. People micromanaging, people exercising authority over things that they technically CAN, but probably SHOULDN'T, is rampant throughout any branch of the military. Good leaders personify big dick energy, especially in the military.


apathetic_revolution

Is it offensive to assume "big frog energy" is what you accuse someone of if they're acting a little too French? Were you smoking and carrying a grocery bag with a baguette sticking out the top of it?


ilnir

Nobody wants to be in a foxhole with a Nihilist armed with nothing more than a cigarette and an espresso


NaRa0

Have YOU ever had to open Chardonnay under fire, HMM?!?!


Daffodils28

Being a big frog in a small pond. Someone who might be in charge in a limited environment, but has never been someplace with more competition


DapperChaoss

Being obsessed with dick size. Edit: oh wow, this blew up! Thank youse for all the upvotes and awards! ✨


LordOfFreaks

Op is crying rn


A-Dawg11

OP in shambles


TheLegendaryBarnacle

OP is having a breakdown


PygmeePony

Thinking dick sizes actually correlate with certain behaviors.


Linux4ever_Leo

The guy who drives the ginormous monster truck complete with the playboy bunny sticker in the back window and the metal ball sack hanging from the tow hitch.


Character_Raccoon_53

Where did you see me !?!


Linux4ever_Leo

LMAO!!! I've seen you all over Kentucky!! Don't try to hide!


Pulpics

I’m pretty sure you simply saw all of Kentucky


WetWulf

Or the truck with the Punisher skull sticker, something about the second amendment, and he wears wrap-around Oakleys, a faded camo green cap with some emblem resembling the American flag, looks like a veteran but never served a day in his life.


halborn

You might like /r/justbootthings.


Evilg9

The two inch dick pic


icantkickflipp

Trust me, with the right angle…


[deleted]

I switched to my left hand to correct that angle


scrub_needs_hugs

Saying you have a big dick.


Disco_Ninjas

If you ever make that comment, it's important to make it with a straight face and look them right in the eye. Then after a few moments start to make pelvic thrusts like Mark Hanna doing the money chant.


max1mx

There are two types of people who make that claim. One has a hammer and isn’t afraid to show it, the other type just wishes. Don’t call them out unless you’re prepared to see some nightmare fuel.


flowerworker

Excessive aggressiveness.


chrisredmond69

Parking across 2 parking spots.


neutronstar343

Trying to be the alpha.


februarytide-

Punisher stickers on your lifted truck.


Reddit_Whyyyyy

Being a pick me boy... E.g. "Oh you're leaving? Just like everyone one else" "Girls don't like me cos I'm a nice guy" "Showering? Without me" etc


MadameBurner

You forgot the classic "where's my hug?"


MediciMatrix

Oh God. I forgot this one existed. Peak cringe.


Dilostilo

Yeah, no one wants to be around that guy.


Gaychael

I agree with you but don’t think I have a firm grasp on what a pick me boy is.


Reddit_Whyyyyy

In the words of urban dictionary: A guy who uses self depreciation in a manipulative way so a girl will date him. They will say bad things about themselves to try to get the girl to oppose what they’ve said.


Alwaystoexcited

Yikes, I think I've done this far too many times in the past when I was younger. Had zero self esteem.


derEggard

What’s wrong about a small dick though?


Affectionate_Wall705

90% of posts on Reddit. Putting other people down while simultaneously seeking pity or validation. It's just a penis, don't take it so hard.


CliffChicken

Speeding up to prevent other cars pulling out of a junction


Mr_Funbuns

Alright, speeding up to prevent people from pulling out is a dick move. Recently though I have been seeing more people pull out when it is unsafe and they just let everyone else fucking deal with it. Everyone is going 70mph? Let me just pull into traffic and ignore the acceleration lane. OR pull up to the end of the acceleration lane and stop. Leaving no room to safely enter traffic


MyUsersNameIsTaken

This post definitely screams that!