By - mockingbeat
Pretty sure this is the last face a lot of strangled hookers have seen
We’re done here, pack it up. Damage assessment: Total.
As in girlfriend you mean you put on lipstick and stared in the mirror....
Is that Sinéad O'Connor?
“It rubs the lotion on its skin”
It does this whenever it is told.
I was going to say his mom the person who took this picture.
his mom? probably a tripod because not even his mother would love him
*plays goodbye horses*
Right before hiding his dick between his legs and saying:
Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me hard...
Do you always look like this, or did you recently get released from a POW camp.
He’s actually an anemic marionette living with HIV and a crippling heroin addiction
I wanna see his new tattoo
I just realized, the boy in the striped pajamas didn’t actually die in that movie.
You look like the type that masturbates to Pokemon characters while you drive a school bus.
Your 5 year old niece does not count as a girlfriend
So you cut your own hair
If people were flowers you’d probably be an artichoke
you look like christian bale in the machinist, boy you need a blood transfusion or something go eat an apple
Thoughty2 here......i have stage 3 cancer.
I feel sorry for thoughty2 now
This guy gets vital Vitamin D from a light bulb
Looks like it's been a fucking tough 31 years
No soul but one seriously jacked up moustache.
Had to go zoom in to try to find this mythical mustache you speak of.
You look like you sleep in a bed full of prosthetic body parts.
Looks like someone dug up the corpse of the AIDS ridden Matthew McConaughey from Dallas Buyers Club.
After kidnapping 100 kids he finally unlocked the golden mustache
He gets all the girls he want, they just can’t say no... because of the implication
the human version of the windows start up noise
Is your webpage dead as your face.
No soul, no girlfriend....
The girl you keep in your cape isn’t a girlfriend.
You look like you would have lots of souls, those you have collected from others...
you've invested more into the lighting of this photograph than you've invested in your personality for the past 20 years
There’s no way you pee standard up.
You don't have a girlfriend either. The bowl your mom used to cut your hair is behind you in the sink.
Correction: your boyfriend just gave you a haircut.
This picture looks like a mug shot from the sex offenders database.
Pretty sure you meant “Girlfriend makes me share, I’m a cuck.”
You like like Christian Bale after a month in county jail.
Wtf is this portrait mode picture bullshit?
I'm gonna say you don't have a soul because you sold it to get a girlfriend.
Your girlfriend probably has a better mustache than your pencil dick attempt of growing a mustache.
Being a webdev is sad enough so I will refrain myself from commenting on that moustache.
No soul? No looks, no personality, no masculine features=no girlfriend. Most likely a cover story to decieve us do we don't roast you for being a truck stop twink.
You don’t have a soul because it left your loser ass too
With this haircut you may as well be the man behind HowToBasic.
I think you misspelled girlfriend into girl friend
She gave you that Ratatouille look so she can poison you without feeling remorse
Patrick Bateman tried to set himself up as a therapist and everyone said, Uh, No.
>Unroastable because I do not have a soul.
Or much of a future.
You look like you have a menstruation fetish.
Real life trainspotting character
Unroastable? You look like the crackhead cousin of eminem.
You don’t have a soul - you are soul
You look like Freddy Krueger before the fire. I bet the kids on your street are living in a nightmare.
Yea those eye sockets really spell death 💀
He looks like a stolen valor guy, who actually tried to enlist, but got kicked out because he didn't meet the minimum height or weight requirement
Crackhead Christian bale
I think he meant his mom.
Aren't you that one guy who said he supported his girlfriend doing an only fans?
Your soul is being roasted by satan.
You look like the stereotypical hacker in most movies with hackers in them.
She did a pretty good job, considering she was locked in the basement and all
Yup shes laughing at your haircut with her real boyfriend on Chive..
I bet you mix tabs and spaces
I anticipated all other comments, but just the thought of this one...straight up evil
She needs to cut off that peanut butter smeared on your top lip. You look like the pretentious hipster that goes to a bar and loudly talks about books no one else cares about.
$10 says your mom cut your hair
Do you have a mustache?
Wow the new real dolls can cut hair?
You're doing webdev, but your girl is going out for full stack.
girlfriend....ok, well clearly she will fuck just about anything, so can I get her digits??
looks like one of the sides effects of that new butt-plug is premature aging...
I don't know whether to roast you or call the FBI because you 100% have the corpses of mutilated children under your basement.
How many of your neighbors pets did you murder as a child
Every pediphile has a mustache. Just saying...
All that good lighting to still look ugly as fuck
You have a Mii haircut
Surprised you made it to 31, normally the runt of the litter doesn’t last too long
you rapping on 7- mile?
Don't you remember what your therapist told you; you have to stop referring to your mom as your girlfriend
U look like idubz
You look like Steve Jobs in his final weeks
You can just put a Flowbee on the vacuum and say your girlfriend gave you a haircut.
Proof of girlfriend needed. You look like you diddle kids
You look like your conversations would leave even Alexa comatose.
Zuckertwat just escaped from Auschwitz.
You look like Christian Bale in the Big Short but somehow even without the lazy eye you still look like people hope you dive headfirst into an empty swimming pool
You look like you're on two different kinds of register, one for kidney transplants and the other for boytouching.
you look like they took a picture of every antisocial millennial englishman and superimposed them on top of each other
You look like Johnny 2x4 from Ed Edd n Eddy developed a cocaine habit.
I bet the question " How to center a div " stole your soul for good.
You also don't have a mustache.
You look like the wish app version of Sheldon from Big Bang theory
Yeah, a dark web developer.
You look like a generic stock photo for an tech startup employment pamphlet except you're too ugly to actually be used on the promotional material so you get shoved to the back where nobody can see or cares about you.
Meh, roasting a male mannequin would be boring. NEXT...
[NEXT JOKE ORIGIN](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/)
Well at least you’re sex life and soul have something in common
How did you get rid of it. I'm sure the devil would not want it.
You don't have a soul, even though your hair isn't red
Hey, why did you just escape prison?
Your best friend is twelve years old
If you put this picture in black and white it will look like a auswitschz pic.
you’re so ugly that the hairs on your head tried to escape so your girlfriend had to cut them
before you went bald
Get rid of the journal and this is the picture on the news when everyone learns your middle name.
You spelled rehab wrong.
Not a roast at all but you are a creep
Keep this man away from the playgrounds.
Being too lazy to clean the spiderwebs from the garage does not make you a “web developer”.
Written on what will soon be a manifesto
I would assume your gf is the age of 4 considering I think I’ve seen you on a list
Just because your hand held the scissors doesn't mean that your girlfriend gave you a haircut
Life advice: move out of the office breakroom
No soul and let’s be honest, no girlfriend either.
If idubbbz went to rehab
You look so incredibly boring.