T O P
spraywash

Pretty sure this is the last face a lot of strangled hookers have seen


Kyrian1002

We’re done here, pack it up. Damage assessment: Total.


Expensive_Source_581

Omg lmao


sactownkid85

As in girlfriend you mean you put on lipstick and stared in the mirror....


phoustonm

Is that Sinéad O'Connor?


As_Giraffeballs

“It rubs the lotion on its skin”


sactownkid85

It does this whenever it is told.


GratefulDad23

I was going to say his mom the person who took this picture.


goldchainssuck

his mom? probably a tripod because not even his mother would love him


invadershaun1

*plays goodbye horses*


Guile_R

Right before hiding his dick between his legs and saying: Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me hard...


Duhburkuhchur

Do you always look like this, or did you recently get released from a POW camp.


turdmachine

He’s actually an anemic marionette living with HIV and a crippling heroin addiction


sactownkid85

I wanna see his new tattoo


Duhburkuhchur

I just realized, the boy in the striped pajamas didn’t actually die in that movie.


over_clox

You look like the type that masturbates to Pokemon characters while you drive a school bus.


CreepyPastaKing1

Your 5 year old niece does not count as a girlfriend


REALMrRockNRoll

So you cut your own hair


sergioparodi

If people were flowers you’d probably be an artichoke


[deleted]

you look like christian bale in the machinist, boy you need a blood transfusion or something go eat an apple


juantzutree

Thoughty2 here......i have stage 3 cancer.


Competition-Dapper

I feel sorry for thoughty2 now


Johnny5legs

This guy gets vital Vitamin D from a light bulb


brokenchap

Looks like it's been a fucking tough 31 years


lafatlyf

No soul but one seriously jacked up moustache.


GratefulDad23

Had to go zoom in to try to find this mythical mustache you speak of.


NotoriousArcher

You look like you sleep in a bed full of prosthetic body parts.


Xlh883dragster

Looks like someone dug up the corpse of the AIDS ridden Matthew McConaughey from Dallas Buyers Club.


SamTheMan74

After kidnapping 100 kids he finally unlocked the golden mustache


Tomcauliflower

He gets all the girls he want, they just can’t say no... because of the implication


[deleted]

the human version of the windows start up noise


Viswanathgutta1998

Is your webpage dead as your face.


spongebob_nopants

No soul, no girlfriend....


CaptRustyShackleford

The girl you keep in your cape isn’t a girlfriend.


demoneggplant

You look like you would have lots of souls, those you have collected from others...


Creepy_Storage

you've invested more into the lighting of this photograph than you've invested in your personality for the past 20 years


BorisChechev

There’s no way you pee standard up.


john_big-booty

You don't have a girlfriend either. The bowl your mom used to cut your hair is behind you in the sink.


guitarmusic113

Correction: your boyfriend just gave you a haircut.


themizattNO1

This picture looks like a mug shot from the sex offenders database.


MumSaysImHandsome

Pretty sure you meant “Girlfriend makes me share, I’m a cuck.”


[deleted]

You like like Christian Bale after a month in county jail.


realgrantpalmer

Wtf is this portrait mode picture bullshit?


sparkylocal3

I'm gonna say you don't have a soul because you sold it to get a girlfriend.


MannerPlayful6704

Christian Fale.


PeaceOutGeeseOut

Freddy Uranus


Designer-420-69

Your girlfriend probably has a better mustache than your pencil dick attempt of growing a mustache.


baronBal0n

Being a webdev is sad enough so I will refrain myself from commenting on that moustache.


prolinez

No soul? No looks, no personality, no masculine features=no girlfriend. Most likely a cover story to decieve us do we don't roast you for being a truck stop twink.


WBishop6019

You don’t have a soul because it left your loser ass too


KifoPL

With this haircut you may as well be the man behind HowToBasic.


loganhexel

I think you misspelled girlfriend into girl friend


crazyloomis

She gave you that Ratatouille look so she can poison you without feeling remorse


polonnaise

Patrick Bateman tried to set himself up as a therapist and everyone said, Uh, No.


javanator999

>Unroastable because I do not have a soul. Or much of a future.


DerekFuhReal

You look like you have a menstruation fetish.


poppashovit1634

Real life trainspotting character


Satrivana

Unroastable? You look like the crackhead cousin of eminem.


tophillpaul

You don’t have a soul - you are soul


TheTranquilOne

You look like Freddy Krueger before the fire. I bet the kids on your street are living in a nightmare.


RootbeerDreams

Yea those eye sockets really spell death 💀


XxBubblyBoixX

He looks like a stolen valor guy, who actually tried to enlist, but got kicked out because he didn't meet the minimum height or weight requirement


ThinMinh

Crackhead Christian bale


Ztuab

I think he meant his mom.


r_dominic

Aren't you that one guy who said he supported his girlfriend doing an only fans?


Vcat-183

Your soul is being roasted by satan. You look like the stereotypical hacker in most movies with hackers in them.


jettisonartplane

She did a pretty good job, considering she was locked in the basement and all


wonderbread347

Yup shes laughing at your haircut with her real boyfriend on Chive..


sxule

I bet you mix tabs and spaces


mockingbeat

I anticipated all other comments, but just the thought of this one...straight up evil


be-vibin

She needs to cut off that peanut butter smeared on your top lip. You look like the pretentious hipster that goes to a bar and loudly talks about books no one else cares about.


sodato

$10 says your mom cut your hair


spot1019

Do you have a mustache?


The_Skippy73

Wow the new real dolls can cut hair?


datums

You're doing webdev, but your girl is going out for full stack.


DonBrasz

girlfriend....ok, well clearly she will fuck just about anything, so can I get her digits??


misterdemonor

looks like one of the sides effects of that new butt-plug is premature aging...


Yoosha123

I don't know whether to roast you or call the FBI because you 100% have the corpses of mutilated children under your basement.


BioMix88

How many of your neighbors pets did you murder as a child


Dutch-Shoes

Every pediphile has a mustache. Just saying...


double_hashtags

All that good lighting to still look ugly as fuck


Mr_Poopybutthool

You have a Mii haircut


LavidDaid

Surprised you made it to 31, normally the runt of the litter doesn’t last too long


soodleart

you rapping on 7- mile?


prollybi

Don't you remember what your therapist told you; you have to stop referring to your mom as your girlfriend


_NapoleonBonerfart

U look like idubz


D4m0n619

You look like Steve Jobs in his final weeks


koalamonster515

You can just put a Flowbee on the vacuum and say your girlfriend gave you a haircut.


Frosty-Drag16

Proof of girlfriend needed. You look like you diddle kids


NoelCZVC

You look like your conversations would leave even Alexa comatose.


audomatix

Zuckertwat just escaped from Auschwitz.


emre_4_life

You look like Christian Bale in the Big Short but somehow even without the lazy eye you still look like people hope you dive headfirst into an empty swimming pool


BlackThrowawayLegend

You look like you're on two different kinds of register, one for kidney transplants and the other for boytouching.


Reeeeeee133

you look like they took a picture of every antisocial millennial englishman and superimposed them on top of each other


taner1992

You look like Johnny 2x4 from Ed Edd n Eddy developed a cocaine habit.


ctos_ron

I bet the question " How to center a div " stole your soul for good.


benjavari

You also don't have a mustache.


Waxish

You look like the wish app version of Sheldon from Big Bang theory


FloorGangMan1

Yeah, a dark web developer.


[deleted]

You look like a generic stock photo for an tech startup employment pamphlet except you're too ugly to actually be used on the promotional material so you get shoved to the back where nobody can see or cares about you.


SaltyPO

Meh, roasting a male mannequin would be boring. NEXT...


ordinarybots

[NEXT JOKE ORIGIN](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/)


invadershaun1

Well at least you’re sex life and soul have something in common


HugoHancock

How did you get rid of it. I'm sure the devil would not want it.


Gsroaster

You don't have a soul, even though your hair isn't red


DrCreepMyriad

Hey, why did you just escape prison?


FlexatronSteele

Your best friend is twelve years old


dielange010

If you put this picture in black and white it will look like a auswitschz pic.


untrue_sheep69420

you’re so ugly that the hairs on your head tried to escape so your girlfriend had to cut them before you went bald


[deleted]

Get rid of the journal and this is the picture on the news when everyone learns your middle name.


Guile_R

Jame Dumb


burgemeister

You spelled rehab wrong.


Sabadung

Not a roast at all but you are a creep


maartenhr

Keep this man away from the playgrounds.


geralt_of_riviera

Being too lazy to clean the spiderwebs from the garage does not make you a “web developer”.


SixStringDream

Written on what will soon be a manifesto


Jamso2609

I would assume your gf is the age of 4 considering I think I’ve seen you on a list


a_soggy_poptart15374

Just because your hand held the scissors doesn't mean that your girlfriend gave you a haircut


Mesoseven

Life advice: move out of the office breakroom


Beckett071

No soul and let’s be honest, no girlfriend either.


Father_Mustache

If idubbbz went to rehab


Arachnatron

You look so incredibly boring.