T O P
Laukopier

**Reminder:** Do not participate in threads linked here. If you do, you may be banned from both subreddits. --- Title: Husband slashes cars tires and makes me.pay to replace... Body: > Hey all. Oklahoma here. Going through a separation - not a legal one. We live on the same plot of land but different houses/addresses, and have for the past 6 months. > My soon to be ex has slashed my tires nearly every week. Is there anything I can do? Outside of moving away, which might not even solve the problem completely. > I came into the marriage with the car in question, and I know I go out of the marriage with the car. But what about all the damange done? > Can he be held liable? Arrested? This bot was created to capture original threads and is not affiliated with the mod team. [Concerns? Bugs?](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=GrahamCorcoran) | [Laukopier 2.1](https://github.com/GrahamCorcoran/Laukopier)


TinWhis

OP was SHOCKINGLY patient with people in that thread.


aliie_627

Yeah that one about the restraining order. "JuDgEs aReNt sTuPiD" . Get out of here with that come on now. Maybe not stupid but some still have opinions and biases like everyone else.


goldman60

There are ass loads of stupid judges lmao


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Atworkwasalreadytake

This is Texas’ little brother.


quasielvis

Don't they elect judges in some hick counties? I'm not an American.


rogue_scholarx

We elect judges in many states and localities. It's absolutely bonkers.


PM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS

Yup. My grandmother was a county judge. Her experience beforehand was being a paralegal. Always baffled me.


quasielvis

That's pretty funny, no wonder your legal system sucks. It's baked into the legislation here. You have to be a lawyer for at least 7 years to be a district judge and a district judge for at least 7 years to be a high court judge. Appointed by the Governor General on the advice of the Prime Minister who takes the recommendation of the law commission so there is potential for a bit of political angling, but it rarely comes up. Better than letting the public vote though, jesus. They don't know shit.


Drywesi

You want the real fun one? Being appointed to the SCOTUS does not, in fact, have any requirements whatsoever. Not even a law degree. No exclusions either. Now in practice only a certain subset of randos will make it through a confirmation vote in the Senate, but convention only gets you so far when you have enough people willing to flout it.


takcaio

I had to stop reading after that. I’ve lived in rural areas, there’s still kangaroo courts and places where the judge is the brother of the chief of police. Not that cities are inherently better, living where I do now I’m constantly shocked at what happens here (Texas).


FuckTheMods5

What CANvedone about corruption? Contact the aclu like that one guy said? That situation reminded me of my friend in texas. Divorce, his wife's lawyer was friends with the judge, got steamrolled at every turn, his lawyer wouldn't fight vecause if you go against this judge or lawyer then your career gets offed, and he's the only judge in this county.


takcaio

I really really wish I knew. Upstate NY a cop called me a c*** at a traffic stop after unsuccessfully hitting on me in front of my mom (I was 19) No resolution, in large part because the police department was only 5 people and they were all related. And the local judge was one of their dads. (Apparently I should learn to accept a compliment) I’m in Texas now (thanks work) and the cops have decided to just…not respond to calls?! They announced it?! And this is fine? ETA: NY was decades ago and I’m still pissed. I was stopped for going 32 in a 30.


FuckTheMods5

I hate shithole corrupt cops and judges.


gsfgf

LAOP is male. Of course he's not getting a protective order in Oklahoma.


PM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS

Oooooh, I didn't clock that. This makes a lot more sense now.


ExpertPossibility935

It's amazing how little people know about police. They actually think there's some truck to getting them to respond. If they don't want to respond, they won't. Doesn't matter how much you call. Who you demand to speak to. The police ignore rape survivors for decades yet these folks think they are going to jump right on slashed tires.


under_psychoanalyzer

If cops show up and take your report, they'll have to add it to the stats of things they'll probably never solve so why would they even show up? It's like nobody has seen the Wire. It's why McKnulty nudging a body found floating in Baltimore habor so it ends up in his old precinct's jurisdiction and his old boss hating him for it is so believable.


JustNilt

I've got a lot of family who are cops. I rarely, if ever, interact with my family these days but when The Wire came out, the cops in the family were hilariously upset at it *because of how accurate it was*. Of course, it took a small amount of effort to get them to admit the reason they were pissed off but not much.


babysaurusrexphd

It’s amazing how people are willing to believe that normal, petty workplace shit — trying to avoid work, trying to avoid blame, trying to avoid responsibility — magically doesn’t happen to police! They absolutely avoid/ignore/find other stuff to do instead of calls they don’t want to deal with. Duh.


under_psychoanalyzer

I mean if anything, it's worse. I can't fuck my job up hard enough to cause a political scandal.


dylan-dofst

Sounds like you're not trying hard enough.


under_psychoanalyzer

I said that mostly for comedic effect. I could probably leave a few tips to a hotline for the FBI/IRS and impact the mid terms...


Darth_Puppy

And you'd actually face consequences if you did


manderrx

I listen to the police scanner while I work: can confirm, they exist. There is one officer where all he does is pull people over so that he doesn't get called out to stuff. I can recognize the voice and sector number and he's *always* out with a traffic stop.


stuck_in_the_desert

"The fuck did I do?"


JimboTCB

"There you go, giving a fuck when it ain't your turn to give a fuck."


dj_narwhal

Woah woah woah. Mcnulty studied the tides and water currents to determine where she entered the water, to put them in the correct jurisdiction. It was a while later when he jumped into wild fabrication of evidence.


under_psychoanalyzer

Lol yes I remember the map plotting. But didn't he also do something funky with the body when he found it on his little tug?


dj_narwhal

Excellent question. He was new on the marine unit so he suggested bringing her on the boat. The veteran marine unit guy knew that bodies tend to fall apart when you try that so you tow them to the shore where you have more equipment to get the entire body out. This was a fresh body so the risk was lower but if it was decomposed and you try to pull it out with a hook you might only get a chunk.


RememberKoomValley

>The police ignore rape survivors for decades yet these folks think they are going to jump right on slashed tires. A few years back some jackass college boys shouted filth at me from their car window as they went by, and I flipped them off. They responded by cutting the wheel, screeching into the parking lot beside me, getting out of the car and muscling up to me shouting that they were going to "teach \[me\] a lesson." There was a wall between me and the only escape route, I didn't see any familiar face, and I'm small; I dropped my backpack and squared up since I couldn't run. Someone called the cops. The cops, when they arrived, told me the college boys were *afraid of me*, and that I should behave more calmly in the future when someone catcalls. I'm 5'3, weighed 115 lbs at the time, and looked about seventeen years old in uncertain light. But yeah, these bigass boys in their daddy's Benz were definitely afraid of me.


Off-With-Her-Head

Rape kits are still years behind in lab processing. Incredibly misogynistic.


-Signy-

And now San Francisco is using DNA collected from the *victim* to match against other crimes. ([source](https://www.npr.org/2022/02/14/1080754372/san-francisco-police-dna-rape-victims))


thisisthewell

Thanks for linking that article. As a San Francisco local, I read through LAOP's thread and these comments with our own police force in the back of my mind. They're useless fucking turds at *best*, and now I have even more reason not to trust them.


manderrx

Especially in Oklahoma for an LGBTQ+ couple.


Guardymcguardface

This shit is why I won't live anywhere but a major city. I'll just be poor, fuck it!


numbersthen0987431

Did OP get any resolution or helpful comments? Reading it through it felt like she was saying she tried everything and it wasn't working. The only real solution I saw on there was "move away from him".


DigbyChickenZone

> Be ready to escalate this to the Supreme Court to get protection. Uhhh, not sure that's how it works.


happyhappypeelpeel

"Can you put your hands over mine so they look like my hands? For the website? We're lawyers!"


ginganinja6969

He’ll get that protective order in……. 8 years or so


Twzl

[You can listen to this while you read the following](https://youtu.be/JVdlpZ4M-Hw). Back in the mid 1980's, I was at my BF's house. He lived next to a schoolyard. So here we are, it's about midnight, and a fight breaks out. It's loud and lots of people screaming but again, mid 80's in Brooklyn, no big deal, loud fights were common. But then the shooting started. So BF calls the local precinct, and was told, "we already have a murder tonight". Like, ok, so um...??? Anyway, now you can buy that same house for about 2 million dollars today, so I guess there are fewer gun fights in that school yard these days, as well as less of a need to triage murders vs possible murders.


beezchurgr

PD is just answering calls like shit yeah we know things are tough out there. We don’t wanna deal with it either.


Twzl

> PD is just answering calls like shit yeah we know things are tough out there. We don’t wanna deal with it either yeah back then NY was not at all like what it would be. In Brooklyn [this](https://www.npr.org/2018/10/04/654085265/the-american-dream-one-block-can-make-all-the-difference) and the urban homesteading program in the 1980's made a significant change.


JoeDawson8

This perfectly illustrates that while the police can and should help you, they are not really legally required to.


melvinthefish

That is so ridiculous and shouldn't be true but here we are. What a joke this country is.


brushnit

And the push for policy changes so that condition of employment relies on this is what needs to be done, however legally requiring enforcement throws state nullification out the window.


Idrahaje

It’s not even policy change. The supreme court ruled that cops are not obligated to protect people


brushnit

Yes, I'm saying to stay within bounds and not affect things unintentionally such as state nullification (which is how marijuana legalization and many other things may, or pseudo rely on)


txteva

Wait what? So what is their job then?


numbersthen0987431

The police were originally created to protect property and ensure the working class stayed in line. So money.


monkwren

And the property they were created to "protect" was slaves.


SpartanAltair15

The purpose of the ruling was to prevent lawsuits against cops/departments, who were acting in good faith, for failing to prevent crimes and harm in their jurisdiction, like preventing you from suing your police department because you got mugged and a cop wasn’t magically there to protect you, etc. The unintentional side effect of protecting cops who aren’t acting in good faith is a huge issue with the ruling.


Idrahaje

https://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/28/politics/justices-rule-police-do-not-have-a-constitutional-duty-to-protect.html Pretty sure the cops who refused to answer a call from a woman begging them to enforce a restraining order weren’t acting in “good faith”


Procrastinista_423

Arguably "unintentional."


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SpartanAltair15

That's not a case I'm familiar with.


Idrahaje

To protect the interests of capital


PM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS

Same as it ever was.


whetherman013

> however legally requiring enforcement throws state nullification out the window. Not really. Even if a state compelled state officers to enforce state law under penalty, the anti-commandeering doctrine would prohibit the federal government from compelling state officers to enforce federal law.


brushnit

You are right, and I'm not well versed in county jurisdictions in this case, but wouldn't counties also be able to 'selectively enforce'? If I remember correctly counties and cities are "sanctuaries" for things like immigration, guns, marijuana, etc etc


PM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS

> And the push for policy changes so that condition of employment relies on this is what needs to be done Police unions would never allow that.


TheRiverInEgypt

> they are not ~~really~~ legally required to. Fixed that for you - Scotus has ruled that police have no specific duty to protect.


TheAskewOne

What will you do when the police is defunded? Well, same as now when they don't want to do their jobs?


moosekin16

A massive dog was loose on our street and was attacking everything. It was the size of a shopping cart. Parked cars, fencing, other animals, a toddler. *Everything* and *everyone* got bit/attacked. We called the cops and told them a huge dog was loose biting people and we couldn’t find the owners. We tried to get “our” cat inside (some random stray we left food out for) but the dog found the cat before we could get to it and ripped the cat to pieces in *seconds*. Forty five minutes later a beater car missing windows* drives up and grabs the dog. Two hours after *that* a squad car comes by to ask what direction the dog went. *Are you fucking kidding me?* Did you idiots get lost in the Bermuda Triangle on your way over? *edit* on mobile, fat fingered “windows” as “when does”. Fixed.


maveri4201

But then how would they get paid for doing nothing?


thebraken

The same way my coworkers do, I guess


smarterthanyoda

The point of defending the police is to use the money to fund other services. Maybe there could be better support for domestic violence victims. Or maybe legal services to help her sue him. Or, maybe, the police will have more time to help her because they have support to help because there are other agencies to share the workload.


koloco3

In the comments we find out that LAOP is a male. Homophobia in Oklahoma isn’t super surprising.


thisisthewell

> The point of defending the police Slightly awkward autocorrect error here, I'm guessing?


Darth_Puppy

That was always my mental response when I saw that argument.


Lokiwastxtonly

Welcome to Ottawa, Canada, where the police have been deciding not to enforce any bylaws on the weeks-long alt-right party camped downtown. Not enforcing a noise injunction any more, either. It’s been an eye opener, to say the least.


SemiDeponent

Some of those that work forces etc etc


best_at_giving_up

some of those that work forces are the same that honk hornses


ThumpyDumpkins

"Call a crackhead instead!" Neither a crackhead nor a cop is legally obligated to help me.


NDaveT

It's amazing how many people act as if police and judges not taking domestic violence victims seriously is some rare thing.


DigbyChickenZone

One of the men who participated in the [DC sniper attacks in 2002](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Allen_Muhammad), was abusive and terrorized his ex-wife. She changed her name and moved multiple times, and repeatedly reported him to the police and FBI. [He kidnapped their children for a while as well] They only took her seriously once he started shooting random people, and then called her uncooperative in their investigation because she was basically like "I have been warning you about this man for YEARS, sought help for YEARS - and now you want my help??" [Not saying she refused to help the police, but her story is really telling.]


happyhappypeelpeel

It seems like half the solution to the mass shooting problem is as simple as "get law enforcement to do their jobs after getting multiple reports like 'hey this guy is dangerous and is planning to shoot people.'" I mean, you know, police reform. "Simple."


notquitecockney

And - many many mass murderers start out as DV offenders. Which means, first, if we took DV seriously, hopefully these folks would get locked up, denied access to firearms, etc, and make mass murderers much less effective at their murdering. And second, many people who grow up to commit DV (and murder) start their lives out in a DV household. So - supporting people better with DV issues would reduce murder rates in at least two ways. But, of course, with cops' high personal DV rates, (+ the added bonus homophobia in this story) none of this will happen soon.


monkwren

If all DV abusers were caught, convicted, and had their guns taken away, there would be maybe 1/4 of the current amount of privately owned guns.


PM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS

Just a quick reminder for folks that the number one risk factor for commiting a mass shooting is [domestic violence.](https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2020-mass-shootings-domestic-violence-connection/)


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proteannomore

It's not just the police. My ex's former husband put her in the hospital, and I was pretty impressed with how seriously the detective took things. He was extremely upset when the prosecutor let him walk with a misdemeanor that would come off his record in a couple of years. This was the 3rd time he'd been charged with felony DV but each time he gets it knocked down and wiped from his record.


OllaniusPius

A girlfriend I had in high school had fled with her mother and sister to a different state to escape her abusive father. He didn't have any custody rights, but was fighting it. He showed up at her home one time and her mother called the cops. Two male officers and a female officer showed up. The two male officers were perfectly happy to just let him into the house because he was my girlfriend's father, despite the fact that he had no custody rights and my girlfriend, her sister, and their mom all didn't want him there. Only the female cop stopped him.


cryssyx3

thank god for her. I bet that would have gone real different for the mother


sarahdiddle

my (abusive) ex called me during our separation saying he was going to kill himself and i went to our apartment and he was there, naked, with a knife, the bathtub running, and a suicide note on the living room table. he was acting absolutely erratically and i didn't know if the knife was going to be meant for me, him or the both of us, and i grabbed the note and noped outta there and called 911 and told them the situation. they showed up quickly, knocked on the door, and he answered it fully dressed, let the cops inside, told them i was crazy, etc. i had the note and showed it to them, and all the cops came back with to me was that they told him to "not give me a big scare like that" again and that they don't get involved in marital disputes and i shouldn't call 911 and waste peoples time. it was a *legitimate* suicide note (like referencing him dying and not being around), dated and everything, not in my handwriting and they still brushed it off. the look he gave me through the window as everyone was leaving and i was walking back to my car... i never want to see that look from anyone again.


ravelfish

I hope you never have to see that look, or that crazy disturbed man, ever again. He sounds so nuts. I'm sorry that happened to you.


Thinefieldisempty

This. I’ve spent the last 15 years being terrorized by my kids’ dad, now he’s harassing the kids too(despite a no contact order) and cops just don’t care, even when he has openly admitted to committing various felonies. It’s asinine and I’m sick of being scared all the time. Often when I talk about it people don’t believe me so in a way it’s comforting to know other people have dealt with this shit and it’s not just me imagining it.


DonnaLombarda

LAOP and his husband are a same sex couple. It’s not surprising cops aren’t taking him seriously.


_Z_E_R_O

The police neglect and hesitancy to get involved makes a *lot* more sense once you realize they’re a gay couple.


NDaveT

... in rural Oklahoma.


DigbyChickenZone

Reminds me of the police returning one of Dahmers victims to him, because they thought the escapee was just involved in a lovers dispute.


Cleverusername531

That was so devastating to learn about. It was like a horror story. That poor kid…he must have been devastated.


JasperJ

As a bonus I believe that victim was underage, wasn’t he? So even if it was “just a relationship dispute”, it would have been statutory rape.


malachaiville

Konerak Sinthasimphone. I was living in the area when this all happened and I remember watching the news and seeing footage of cops bringing blue barrels of… substance… out of the apartment complex.


Cleverusername531

He told them that Asian men look young. I’m not sure why they didn’t get ID.


JasperJ

I mean, underage or not, returning someone to the place they’re trying to flee because relationship is pretty bad. But I do believe Dahmer was white and his victims mostly not, so no doubt that helped.


DigbyChickenZone

> Smith recognized the boy from the neighborhood and the three women reiterated their concerns but were told to "shut the hell up" by the officers, who were convinced the incident was a domestic dispute.[5][11] The three officers returned Sinthasomphone to Dahmer's apartment.[12] > > https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Balcerzak They didn't get ID because it seems like they didn't want to deal with gay people. Didn't help the victim was drugged an naked. If a woman who was drugged an naked was in the street and a man claimed she was with him .... I don't know in that era if it would fly or not. Likely not if she was bleeding like Sinthasomphone was. This is basically the police seeing 2 men that appeared to be homosexual and just washing their hands of the situation, which is disgusting. Dangerously bad policework which has been the source of protests for DECADES of course, over-policing for minor offenses - and little recourse to major crimes in areas that weren't redlined 60-40 years ago


DigbyChickenZone

14 >Three women, Sandra Smith, Tina Spivey and Nicole Childress, discovered the victim, 14-year-old Konerak Sinthasomphone, after he had managed to escape from Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment, naked, bruised, bleeding from his buttocks area and heavily under the influence of drugs.[3][4] Childress called 9-1-1 and Balcerzak, Joseph T. Gabrish, and Richard Porubcan responded, along with a fire department ambulance.[5][6] Ambulance personnel thought Sinthasomphone needed treatment but were sent away by the officers... >Smith recognized the boy from the neighborhood and the three women reiterated their concerns but were told to "shut the hell up" by the officers, who were convinced the incident was a domestic dispute.[5][11] The three officers returned Sinthasomphone to Dahmer's apartment.[12] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Balcerzak


JasperJ

Just a few bad apples. Whose termination is challenged by the union, who are reinstated, and who become union rep.


thisshortenough

There's a reason that Jordan Peele had Get Out end like it did, everyone was devastated when they thought the police had arrived because we knew what would happen if the police saw a black man "attacking" a white woman.


iCoeur285

I think in the original ending it was the cops that showed up and he did get arrested.


PM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS

There's an "alternative ending" that shows that, though I don't know if it was Peele's original.


mrsbebe

A gay couple in rural Oklahoma, no less


Letty_Whiterock

Sure doesn't help but Let's be fair, they're cops. Cops aren't going to help with anything period.


Letty_Whiterock

Sure doesn't help but Let's be fair, they're cops. Cops aren't going to help with anything period.


_Z_E_R_O

True, but it’s an added factor to their behavior


manderrx

>She commented that If I was serious, I would never have returned... Honestly, some of the stuff that comes out of lower court judges, this isn't surprising. I'm not all the way into the comments yet, so I'm probably missing context. But that caught my eye. I'll edit when I'm done. EDIT: Yep, really not surprised now.


Tylar_Lannister

I can tell about none of those posters grew up in OK. I did however and I'll tell you the cops don't give a single fuck out there. Anyone thinks it's bad in big cities? Small town cops power trip way harder and no one cares because small town. Most of my mothers high school friends are or were cops, including my father. When she asked about trespassers on her land her buddies said to just shoot em and throw a TV or something next to em and they won't even question it. They were being 100% serious. My aunt had to hire an expensive lawyer to get the small town cops to stop pulling over my cousin literally every day. He got caught a few times doing illegal stuff and even after he did his time, they pulled him over every time they saw him. Just in case he was doing it again. I'm surprised they won the lawsuit, tbh. When my dad was a cop before I was born, it took the cops 4 years to fire him. He was literally drinking and driving on duty, stealing drugs from lock-up (they caught him several times) and I'm sure other stuff my mom never found out about. It's a complete shit-show in rural OK. I really hope OP gets away before the ex escalates.


user_name_goes_here

I also grew up in a smallish town in Oklahoma and you're totally right. These guys are high school football players who peaked at 17 years old and spend the rest of their lives on a power trip trying to relive those days in the spotlights.


tallemaja

This one freaked me out as I have a friend who is a lawyer who lost a client in the midst of a divorce; the client had a restraining order and all weapons were supposed to be confiscated from her husband. She called cops to say he'd been slashing tires and their response was no response. He showed up and shot her in the head later. A restraining order is basically a useless piece of paper if cops won't do anything to help you, and even then, you're not protected. Apparently even if cops are instructed to remove any guns from a home as part of serving out a protective order, they may just...not...do that at all? That was news to me!


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e30Devil

Some places have them, most places don’t. One hotel I worked at donated in-kind lodging to an organization helping DV victims, because the place I lived at the time didn’t have any facilities—so if a welcoming shelter isn’t available, some places may have the temp. hotel option. The other population that isn’t served is trans community, who often aren’t welcome at either men-only or women-only facilities.


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gsfgf

LAOP might not be allowed in a shelter, but they can still connect him with resources.


Faiths_got_fangs

Realistically probably not many in rural OK. We lived there for 2 years. Very Bible heavy. Very old school. I'd assume help in this situation would be next to non-existent.


monkwren

Yeah, sadly for LAOP, the only realistic answer to his problems is to get the fuck out of dodge


Faiths_got_fangs

Agree. Sadly, life experience has taught me the hard way that being in the right doesn't necessarily matter in this sort of situation. Sometimes removing yourself from the situation is the only real solution.


herefromthere

Will it play in to the divorce settlement that he has been causing excess costs by regularly destroying tyres? If they combined have cash of say $10k, and he has caused $5k of damages does that mean that she will get the remaining $5k if their divorce finance settlement is fifty-fifty or would it be $2500 and then a big argument?


FuckTheMods5

He said bot a legal separation though. I don't think there's a divorce to get damages from.


herefromthere

If this were my spouse a divorce certainly would follow.


Procrastinista_423

God I fucking hate cops.


SpaceMonkeysInSpace

This is why we need national standards and a national police force. Fuck this good old boys local lazy cops shit.


malachaiville

I know this is likely against LA rules, but in this case I feel the only real protection OP has is a firearm. Cops will not come if he is being attacked and calls them as they’ve proven useless in the past (EIGHTEEN POLICE REPORTS FILED!). The sheer number of police reports and evidence of literal threats and property damage should give a good case for self defense.


takcaio

I get what you’re saying here, but a firearm is only protection if you’re trained and willing to use it. Unless LAOP is already comfortable with guns, I don’t think it would actually offer protection. Untrained people tend to get their guns used against them.


malachaiville

Yes, I should have specified that OP should definitely take a licensed firearms training course before pursuing this route.