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62739427727901083810

“Celičký” is a diminuitive of “celý” (meaning “entire” or “whole”) - your translation is imho pretty close in meaning and the overall feeling too :] I’m just missing the rhyme a little, but great job otherwise!


floating_crowbar

>He, who is just touched by love, > >and completely thus remold > >in his heart will something feel, > >in words cannot be told I think this is better, but the only thing is in Czech its more gender neutral.


62739427727901083810

It’s beautiful. The gender neutrality is a valid concern, but it doesn’t sound like too much of an issue for me, especially here :)


floating_crowbar

thanks kindly, one more.. and I think this is more gender neutral. (I can't really do the diminutive whole in there but, I think its close). ​ One, who is just touched by love, and completely thus remold, in their heart will something feel, in words cannot be told.


czerys

try "they"


kulasec04cz

Celičký is diminutive for whole but here I would use completely transformed My take would be: the one that will the touch of love feel, completely will transform, and in his heart he'll feel something words would not be able to convey. Translating Czech verses is pretty hard our language has rhymes that are hard to get in English I hope I was of some help


floating_crowbar

Thanks, I figured it was diminutive, although I've hardly ever heard it used..(and quite frankly I don't think there is an English word for Whole in diminutive) how about this.. ​ He, who is just touched by love, and completely thus remold in his heart will something feel, in words cannot be told


kulasec04cz

This is good but I would get rid of the word something and put what in front of the last line so it would look like In his heart he will feel What in words cannot be told The he in my suggestion I think is not necessary so if you don't like it get rid of it but I think what you wrote is good so you don't have to change anything if my suggestions are not to your liking


floating_crowbar

Yeah, I wanted to use a word other than something but there is also the rhythm .. ​ One, who is just touched by love, completely is remold, and in their heart perceive that which in words cannot be told ​ thanks I think this is the best so far..


kulasec04cz

I don't like the word perceive doesn't exactly fit the original maybe And in their heart feels what told in word's cannot be But I'm no poet so I think you can keep it as it was


floating_crowbar

>fair enough, > >I'm stil trying to keep the same meter > > > >One, who is just touched by love, > >completely is remold, > >and in their heart will feel that which > >in words cannot be told


kulasec04cz

I think that's perfect I hope I didn't make feel a bit frustrated by always changing things I'm going to sleep now it's 1:30 in the morning here so best of luck into the future


floating_crowbar

Thanks for all your help.. I do appreciate it. I think its a lot better. and best to you as well.