It's ok to say it's none of your business
By - AndiPando
Agreed. In addition to training JWs to tattle on each other, WT has also trained JWs to tattle on themselves - the ultimate betrayal.
sneaky of them....good point
I just commented on another post the other day, when my family “kindly reminds me” how to be a good little witness-I remind them “a persons relationship with God should be a very personal thing.” My parents tend to back off because they realize that’s a good point. But my mother in law when I mentioned that looked like she was going to self implode because she’s a typical busy body witness.
Do a mini study with her. Have her look up 1 thes 4:11 n read it out loud to you. Then ask her to explain to you exactly how she is applying it...
Haha it’s crossed my mind. But we are really trying to chip away at her subtly and while she has her frustrating moments-she’s been slowly accepting our inactivity more than I thought she would.
You know best what will work in your circumstances.
Thanks, you too:)
You've hit the nail on the head with busy body.
What's mad is they fulfill all their own models of the world. Gossip, no natural affection, etc. Women don't have much else going for them
But busy bodying in the JWs
i just resigned as an elder some weeks ago. sent a leter to my body of elders and said it was due to personal reasons. I asked not to be contacted regarding that matter. They have tried to contact me to talk about my letter, every time i tell them i already made clear my wishes on the letter. After the 4th attempt, i just ignore their messages.
I'm sorry they are harassing you like that
They never give up a high value borgbot easily...
*Haha!* Fugg 'em!
In another thread I talked about an elder that should have been removed year's ago, I only recently found out from the person he "blackmailed" into being a Snitch, reporting on anything he heard about other young people in congregations " habits " to use against them , he kept him on the hook until he left home to another state to start over . When he came home to visit family he told them what the elder did , but they swallowed the kool-aid for to long to be effective for any thing to be done.
Elders are rarely publicly disciplined unless their offences are widely known in cong and or community...sometimes not even then.
I go for funny or off key replies\*\*:
"I never answer that question on a Tuesday " ...when it IS tuesday, or fill in the day)
I answer in a foreign language... learning to say 'mind your own business' in German, or Italian, or an obscure Vulcan dialect can help. Or something POLITE so you can honestly tell them what you said so they get the point.
Say: "Are you sure you want to know?"
Say: "I know Jehovah loves me! (pretty much fits anything: "we haven't seen you.." or "I am upset with you" or You are becoming a disappointment to Jehovah
(\*\* I am NOT a JW, but studied the bible with several over a year's time, and noticed the intrusive and personal questions right away....)
Wow and even when you aren't a baptised JW you get the passive agressive stuff
Except you’ll be viewed as uncooperative with a worldly attitude. More reason to bounce.
Yes I said that. But no one can out your for simply not giving all your business away x
Depends on who’s asking. Attitude is used by elders to DF left and right.
That's good. I think I'd change my number.
They're just fishing for info n a response.
That means they look at you like a horse with a broken leg
I think they did that so they don't need to report you as inactive and drop de congregation publishers count
I had quite a few reasons, mainly due to physical health and family issues, but I couldn’t drive or work for awhile, and it was awful because I wanted too.
Well everyone in the KH would come up and ask, “Are you driving yet?”, “No.”, “Are you working yet?”, “No.”, “How old are you?”, “18”, then they would proceed to lecture me about it every single time, along with lectures about cutting my hair because I was a man.
I was already PIMO, trying to find a way out, had a horrible father who wouldn’t let me, and it just made it so beyond miserable to be there…
When I went to the elders and confessed my "sins" as a last chance to setting my life according to their rules, my parents kept asking for the details of why I had been reproved.
I told them, repeatedly, dozens of times, over the period of several months, sometimes more than three times a day "no, this is between me and Jehovah", "this is my conscience and my relationship with Jehovah", "no, if you want to know anything, ask the elders", etc.
My parents eventually kicked me out of home because even though I had gone willingly to the elders, my constant refusal to give in to their questions and my firmness in setting boundaries was perceived as unrepentance.
I'm not saying it's not OK to set boundaries, reply with questions, or say "no". Just be prepared because your stance, while reasonable and necessary, will not be perceived as such by people who think they deserve to control every single minute aspect of your life.
Man, even according to the crazy jw rules they were in the wrong for that. You would think they would just be happy you had gone to the elders on your own and were valuing your relationship with Jehovah.
But I think stuff like that is were the culture that's been created and the actual rules don't always line up. And I'm sure a lot of jws would side with your parents.
I'm sorry you went through that!
JWs cannot be happy. They have an image of happiness. Image is everything.
I agree - we have two choices though, live our own life or live someone else's. We deserve to live our own life x
You are RIGHT on about a culture of watching people and ratting on each other! It's like you get instant brownie points when you report someone. When I was PIMI MS, I saw a sister walking down the main stand holding hands with this guy that looked worldly. I saw MS wearing a T-shirt that says Star Wars. I will ask the elder If that's ok, it seems spiritistic. Then a week later, the brother MS gets pulled into a meeting with 2 elders to be corrected about his star wars shirt and being a good example not to wear that again. The elders routinely micro-manage you from people ratting on each other. I remember someone reported the IG images I was posting. Then a few weeks later, the elders said we must meet with you about something significant. I gave in to meet with the elders. It was about something in my IG post about a holiday and them wanting to ask me if I am leaving the religion because I posted something about a random holiday.
The struggle is we were conditioned to believe that was acceptable and we have to give answers !
Just tell them 1 these 4: 11 that said if you think more information is need to explain ,thats ok if its your choice.
While I agree with much of what you say, I do NOT agree that you have ANY right to judge what others choose to share here. Many are isolated with no irl support. They should feel free to share whatever they feel is safe n helpful for them to share.
?How DARE you criticize that?
They're not criticizing that as far as I can tell. I think OP is talking about when PIMOs interact with PIMIs. I mean, I could be wrong and it *could* also extend to the subreddit, but I think primarily OP is talking about interactions with PIMIs.
Nope. Reread it.
Ah, okay, now I see it, sorry about that. I'm very tired atm, so it's kind of hard to read.
No problem. Thanks for being nice about it instead of starting a shitstoem. :D
Np, thank you for being nice too.
I think you could be alluding to the comment that many ex JWs over share.
To be crystal clear I'm not talking about this forum. I'm talking about a symptom of religious trauma, where you meet people at a bus stop and tell them your life story after 45 seconds, or share intimate details of your life because somehow you feel you have to be honest or they will find out. It's a result of programming.
As I will reiterate my post is in reference to busy bodies in the Kingdom Hall demanding to know your business and then having the strong feeling that you have to answer each person with whatever information they ask for.
This was a light bulb for me. - I didn't have to answer everything everyone asked me. People didn't have to know everything I'm doing.
And I'm not just talking about the elders I'm talking about the culture of living in each other's pockets within the congregation
I was totally guilty of this and had to stop, the things I admitted to in the past (my life's work was being a snoop)! But not telling everything is getting easier now that I'm out.
I was like this for years. Admitting all my past secrets to strangers at the start of conversations just to be "honest"xx
If you feel that was a problem for you, fine, share that. The confusion comes from yr original comment attempting to anonomize and universalize it.
I think the meaning of my post was clear given the many responses I've had. Given your comment was about me not telling people what or how to share, which I wasn't doing, I'm surprised you are doing that to me?
Nope. I'm talking about PIMOs interacting with PIMis who busy body as @supreme stated
All the other responses are on the right lines with what I wrote.
Over explaining is a trauma response