Lol the wsj comment was gold.


*"WSJ? Sorry, best I can do is WSB..."*


brb making AMC calls


Brb printing money selling covered calls to dipshits on Reddit.


Yep, definitely I can smell the propaganda once I saw the WSJ To be fair, 1 , 2, 3 & 9till 15 are applicable only if someone is new to the industry and is trying to learn things. It’s a good advice for beginners in corporate especially IT 4, 5, 6, 7 & 8 are an outdated philosophies. Someone has to be just on time to work and leave on time and handshakes or fist-bumps are usually not something that people notice. Just have a normal handshake and pay attention to instructions. I can go on and on but, it’s not worth it unless someone has been living under a rock!!


Good advice mixed with propaganda is the way of these things. That way if you call out any of the horrors, they will say "well this one is GREAT how can you DISAGREE with it"


Yep, absolutely!


“Have a good handshake” is basically just a proxy for “be personable.” Same with the clothes thing, and a couple others on this list. It’s an unavoidable part of the human experience - people who are put together and likable are going to do well in life.


8 is just fine. They said "all day". I think we can do at least 5 minutes worth of actual, productive work each day.


That's how you know this person was probably handed their first job due to nepotism and class privilege and most likely has never worked any job other than management.


Don’t just read the WSJ, make sure everyone *sees* you reading the WSJ. Ben Shapiro would jack his tiny prick to this list.


I do think if you want to make a career out of something you should read more about the market but limiting it to WSJ is business-LARP bullshit. I work in industry and read shipping / materials news because it matters to my job, IDGAF what WSJ has to say about anything


So many people in hr at my company read the Harvard Business Review and holy shit it is a garbage magazine.


I saw that you mentioned Ben Shapiro. In case some of you don't know, Ben Shapiro is a grifter and a hack. If you find anything he's said compelling, you should keep in mind he also says things like this: >The Palestinian people, who dress their toddlers in bomb belts and then take family snapshots. ***** ^(I'm a bot. My purpose is to counteract online radicalization. You can summon me by tagging thebenshapirobot. Options: climate, covid, dumb takes, novel, etc.) [^More ^About ^Ben ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment/wiki/index) ^| [^Feedback ^& ^Discussion: ^r/AuthoritarianMoment ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment) ^| [^Opt ^Out ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment/comments/olk6r2/click_here_to_optout_of_uthebenshapirobot/)


Good bot


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I understand this reference!!




I'm going to be able to give stock tips to the autistic children I work with. Thanks LinkedIn guy!


That one got me good. Everything else was pretty bland but that one was hilarious.


Some of it is good advice. Some of it is continuing a myth that work is your life now. Y’all can probably separate which is which.


I'd say about 1/3 is good to decent advice, 1/3 is "meh" and 1/3 is crap. Exactly which third is which varies significantly based on the person and the occupation.


Maybe but I think we can all agree advice 4 is bullshit no matter the person or occupation. I don't expect you to pay me when I'm at home relaxing. Why should you expect me to work when you aren't paying.


Yeah, if I'm not clocked in *and being paid* when I arrive, I'm not showing up more than 5 minutes early at most, and even that is only for my benefit of not being talked to about being late. I'd still only clock in the time I'm expected to be there. Clock system where I worked last would treat it as if you showed up on time if you were 5 minutes early and you weren't allowed to clock in before 5 minutes


This is what I liked about my last job. I punch in at the door to the building, and I'm being paid. I still have to walk to my desk - doesn't matter, on the clock. And the system only rounded to the nearest minute for punches.


Worked at an investment bank for a few years. Advice 4 was easy, "highest guy" always arrived after 1pm. But yeah, that is a crap advice. Arrive when work hours start, leave when they finish. Early start and late hours very very rarely result in promotion or raise, just explotation and burnout.


You worked at an investment bank and left when your hours technically finished each day? Haha


I also took the whole hour of lunch break as they didn't allow me to finish earlier even if I didn't use it.


Most definitely.


Not true for salaried people. They expect you to work whenever.


In my experience I've been given the core hours that I absolutely must be available to work each day (9:30-3:30) with the expectation that I work for 8 hours. So I can start my day anytime before 9:30 as long as I put in my 8 hours and I don't end my work day before 3:30. I understand I'm probably pretty lucky though.


In the tech industry, at least where I work, you pretty much have to get your designs done on time. In general, there is more than 40 hours of work per week to keep up with the schedule.


I’m a principal software engineer. I rarely work outside of work hours and when I do, it’s generally by my choice, not because somebody expects me to do it. Expectation management is a very valuable skill in the tech industry.


This exactly. I was told they expect 40 hours of work in a week. When I do those 40 hours is generally up to me, but the team is all usually on between 9 am and 5 pm, so I try to be on then too. I only work outside core hours when I want, and I'm gonna take those extra hours I worked as flex time, make no mistake. Never work for free.


This could be true of ICs. As a manager I get pinged all the time and with our huge india team, it really never ends. The ok part of my job is that it goes in cycles - 6 months of 60-70 hours of work/week and then 6 months of 30 hours/week, depending on when the product needs to go out. I am ok with this because during the 30 hour/week period i take a shit ton of vacation time, 6-8 weeks


Not always true. Someone that is salaried with a good company will have a contract that will layout an expected amount of hours to work.


That would be nice. In the tech industry, I have never heard of this.


My BiL has quite an amazing amount of freedom as a salaried programmer and I'm pretty sure he makes well into the 6 figures. It's all about what you put up with.


I work for a Fortune 500 tech company and we work our 8 hours and that's it. Anything extra you get paid OT for.


How you behave when you're trying to rapidly climb vs how you behave when you've achieved a comfortable career level.


It’s just another that depends on the occupation. I have a salary and core work hours. Pre-covid I was known for getting to work as early as possible and leaving at the end of core hours. Even now I log in and do the same. The upside is that it catches the attention of the powers that be and suggests that you’re getting a lot done. And honestly, you do. I would get more accomplished when I essentially had the floor to myself from 6-8:30 than I would from 8:30-Leaving. No interruptions, no distractions. Just me, my jug of water, and my work. Just as important, because I was known to be strict about my time, my coworkers benefitted - meetings were never scheduled outside of core hours. Even though that was the rule, it didn’t get followed until I arrived. Coupled with a coworker who started when core hours started, we made sure that any thing involving our team was in that window. But, then again, they were paying me for the time I was there. You’re certainly right on that.


> advice 4 is bullshit It's straight out of, "How to succeed in business without really trying."


Plus my boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ boss’ office isn’t even on the same floor of the building as my department, he has no idea who I am or what I do. Better to make the effort to impress your boss’ boss or your colleague-at-another-company’s boss


I played this game and exhausted myself in my early twenties. Onto a different job now and none of those hours I spent doing that mattered at all . My boss appreciated it, but looking back had I not done it, he wouldn't have cared


Yeah not dressing like a slob, having a firm handshake, having technical writing and excel skills are good advice. I don’t think coming in early helps people as much as they think, but coming in late all the time probably does hurt you. No one cares if you read the Wall Street Journal. It’s literally never come up in any conversation with coworkers I’ve ever had. And I’ve also never worked in an industry where people are constantly going out for drinks and hanging out with coworkers after work. That seems very superficial- “Hang out with these people not because you enjoy it but because it may help your career”


> That seems very superficial- “Hang out with these people not because you enjoy it but because it may help your career” It may not be *fun* advice but it *is* good advice. You're not compelled to take good advice. If you don't want to hang out with people you work with, that's perfectly fine. But after my first job, my next ~4-5 jobs all came from referrals from my coworkers. Heck, even my first job out of college was a referral from a friend, and it was the first place I'd applied. That said: I didn't *constantly* go out for dinner or drinks with them. You can hang out over lunch and do the occasional work event without displacing your entire social life, and you can wander around office or hang out by the water cooler/in the kitchen for 10 minutes without completely derailing your evening. Not sure, really, where everyone gets "go to the bar with coworkers every evening" from "don't rush out."


Here’s a dirty little secret about the socializing thing: Be the one to organize them once in a blue moon. If you realize that next Wednesday or Thursday fits *your* schedule, start asking people about it a week in advance. Don’t make it weekly or even monthly. Literally once every few months is all it takes. People who care about networking will go regardless. People who are interested may ask to reschedule, and you can maybe find a better time. People who don’t care genuinely don’t care. And then, whenever someone does pitch an outing and it’s a pain in the ass for you, you can bail completely without it impacting you because you are now also the one who organizes social stuff.


Yeah this describes my job pretty well. I haven’t had to rearrange my social life bc of it and I make great connections, one of which just helped me secure a new job


Same here. I met one of my very best friends of all time at my last job. She is now the next person after my spouse and mother whom I go to for career advice (and honestly life advice too). And I know that I’m that person for her too.


Yep, it’s sometimes pays to be superficial. I totally get that


Only 2 and 3 are decent advice though. Learning Excel is definitely helpful. In general, learning software programs well that are relevant to the business even in a non direct way will keep you employed.


14 is good advice. Not in the sense that having work friends is good for your career, but in the sense that working with people you like will make working less unbearable.


Also 14 is how you can use networking to find another position down the road.


11 is also good advice. It’s not mandatory, and you don’t “have to go to softball,” but it makes a huge difference — to be totally honest, although the workforce *shouldn’t* work this way, people liking you as a social human being is the second most important tool you can use to work your way up the career ladder (the first, of course, is “be the most physically attractive person in the room”). In the words of a famous fictional advertising executive: “a lot of the time, this business comes down to ‘I don’t like that guy.’”


15 is good, as well. I can't tell you how many times I've run into negative people who have been with a company a little too long when I've just started; they're *not* the sort of people you really should be spending time or energy with more than necessary.


But it's real fun when you all get disillusioned at the same time right after entering the workforce, helps keep your self respect up when everyone is trying to knock it down.


I mean, in principle maybe, but they cite in their example not wanting to work at the break of dawn. Twice.


3 is bad advice. Dress in a way that fits what is expected of someone in your position and in line with company's culture. Do not outshine the boss. If no one wears a suit, not even the boss, and you do, that is going to draw bad attention to you.


I’m a manufacturing engineer. I wear jeans to work, same as my boss. If I showed up in a tie, not only would I be increadably out of place, but I would be sent home for violating PPE regulations.


Also an engineer, mechanical for me. And I concur. Let’s…*not* wear something that can get caught in the rapidly spinning machines and introduce our faces to hard surfaces at high speed while choking us, yes?


I did electrical and mechanical back in the day. Coveralls were my best friend. Hell I wore them around the house on the weekend if I was doing yard/garden stuff.


I’m in a jeans and a t shirt. Just like everyone else. A few people do casual button ups. It’s not even for safety, just no one cares about dressing up.


Do not outshine the master is one of the 48 laws of power.




Sometimes it a full time job


Find another master.


Yesss, that is where my comment comes from ;) It think 48 laws of power can be taken as a survival guide for anyone entering de corporate world


By laws of the Rule of 2?


My first job complained that I was dressed too nicely. I only had my internship clothes and casual clothes and couldn't afford a brand new wardrobe to suit their company. I kind of think the recruiter just hated me because no matter what I wore I got complaints. Nice blouse and colored slacks, the slacks were too bright. Plain black skirt, with a plain top, and shoes too nice. I left after 4 months. My boss told me he didn't care if I came in barefoot and a potato sack as long as I kept up the good work I was doing, but HR and some EA were relentless about my clothes, so I left.


We could both be wearing jeans and a shirt and I could be better dressed than you. Dressing better is more about style and grooming than it wearing a suit or tie. I can attest that being well groomed has helped in my career because it sends a message to people. Small details matter.


“Dress better than the AVERAGE PERSON.” Not the boss. The average person.


Personally, Id say 12 too, most jobs i've had seemed to build a perception of me based on how i worked my first month.


Yeah I agree. So I use that to my advantage. I show just how valuable I CAN be, and then after the first few weeks it’s cruise central


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I like to give them about 70-75% when im starting, then tone it back to about 50-60% after they get comfortable with me. Never give 100% or else they expect it as the norm. When it really matters i can give them 90% to look like im putting in some effort and get that raise


5 is the most ridiculous one. People got kids to pick up, groceries to shop for, packages to send, dinner to cook, and a thousand other errands. *My boss* leaves at the end of the day on the dot and not a minute more. That proves to me it's a control thing at some places.


9 - taking notes gives you back up to CYA in event of something going sideways.


I'd say 6 is good as well A limp handshake is very... Off-putting. Most people won't remember a firm handshake, but they'll remember a limp one


It's been a while since I've shook someone's hand, with the whole pandemic and all...


It’s so passé. You don’t know where those hands have been…


And a good fist bump! If you haven’t spent 4 hours in front of a mirror fist bumping yourself, then are you even trying at work?


LPT: if you need to practice your fist bump but you don't have a mirror, just punch yourself in the face. Your work will have a greater respect for your dedication. /s


I personally master the “Rocket Ship” fist bump. It’s kind of what I’m known for and I’ve gotten so many promotions from people who were impressed by it.


I hate shaking hands and I'm tired of the onus being placed on me to touch another person to fulfill their expectation of a social norm. It's fucking gross.


I'm a woman in a male-dominated industry. I get SO MANY limp handshakes. A man will reach out, and then when I meet their hand it's like they're suddenly paralyzed from the wrist down. As if they see long hair and is completely deleted from their brain. I've had a bunch of men do this weird hand turning thing where it's almost like they are expecting me to raise their hand to kiss it, or vice versa which is even creepier. ​ I didn't realize my gender made me so weak that I couldn't withstand a fucking handshake, but I can say by the second handshake it always seems like everyone has resolved all their issues.


Fellow Business Woman Doing Business (and only female identifying woman in my entire building) sometimes I do fingerguns.


Its better than the dudes who absolutely crush your hands. Squeezing it like they are trying to break me. For you nervous men out there, a firm handshake will not cush a woman's hand. But for the assholes that treat my hand like a beer can they are trying to crush, F you.


I've seen this too. It is just bizarre. Best thing about the pandemic: I have switched my approach and have been simply saying "it is nice to meet/see you, but due to pandemic concerns, I'm not shaking hands, thanks for understanding!". Of course, I've also stopped caring about promotion etc so it obviously will depend on whether or not you can afford to potentially alienate some people (who feel that showing they aren't holding a weapon is mandatory 21st century practice).


What's a promotion? Do those even _happen_ anymore, without a job change?


Or you can do a power move and lift your hand for them to kiss it


This was my takeaway. I still suck at Excel. Thankfully, I don't use it as a primary function of my job, but I need to know the ins-and-outs of it to support others. The rest of this is capitalism propaganda at its worst. Fuck your office culture.


Not all *bad* advice, but most people won't have time for it. 1. Depends on the team. 3 days a week is becoming the norm. 2. Writing, yes. Excel depends on the job. Know the basics, but know that there are better tools. 3. Depends on the job. Overdressing is unprofessional. 4. Arriving early is sometimes nice, but not always. You should be working while you're there. 5. There is no one to talk to late in the day. Chat at lunch or in the hall. Only stay late if such conversations take too long. 6. Yes. Handshake good. Fist bump good. 7. Read something relevant to your industry, if you must. The national and local news is more than enough, usually. 8. Work while at work? Yes. 9. Take notes because you will need the information later. 10. Duh. That's part of training. But, a lot will be proprietary, so you may need to wait. 11. If you can, sure. More than one a month outside of work hours is unrealistic for anyone. 12. True, but don't burn yourself out by month 3. There's a balance. Don't be lazy, but do as much as you realistically can. 13. Know *when* to laugh. Learn when it's okay to joke. Humor is generally good, but don't laugh at others' work. 14. This kind of just happens if you talk to strangers without making them mad. 15. Generally good advice. "Don't gossip" is probably better long term.


\#13 almost got me once. I was an entry-level employee and my whole (very small) department got called into a meeting along with another very small department. Maybe 10 people total aside from the company creative director/president/founder and his assistant who were also in the room. I happened to wind up sitting right next to The Boss who's fairly well-known in our industry for both his output and his challenging personality. Boss starts off by saying, "I called you in here to tell you that we're laying off 10 people today." I do a quick head count and that's the same as the number of people comprising the two departments who were called in. "Hey everybody, you're all being let go.... lol jk" is exactly the kind of joke he'd make to kick off a meeting. So I start to laugh - I open my mouth; I inhale; and then I catch myself.... as he starts listing off the names of the people they let go.


That's brutal.


This almost reads as some The Office copypasta


In defense of number 11. This is a great opportunity to network and learn more about the company and industry you just joined. Don’t feel obligated to go to everything, but make an effort to attend some things (especially if an event is important to someone higher up on your food chain). Remember, most time at large companies it’s not what you know, but who you know.


Agreed. The circlejerk comments about how it's all or mostly bad advice seems a bit...naive. With one exception: The WSJ comment makes no sense. You're right; industry-relevant is best. You're right that three days per week is more normal today, but going into the office as much as possible when you're first entering the workforce *is* probably good advice. Better options for mentorship and just generally being visible. *Slightly* dressing up is also not a bad thing. If everyone wears jeans and a T-shirt, wear good jeans and *nice* T-shirt with tasteful prints *if any* (I generally wore non-print T-shirts in that environment). If it's a button-down shirt environment, be sure the shirts you wear fit you well and aren't terribly wrinkled. That kind of thing. It's certainly better than the opposite. You're right that wearing a fancy suit to a T-shirt office will have everyone looking at you funny, though. Not sure why you say people won't have time for it, though. Except for getting there early and the work events, it shouldn't take extra time. And "early" doesn't need to be more than 10 minutes. You're right that if they expect you to come to the bar every night after work, that's BS. But as you say: Once a month, barring personal conflicts? Seems like it should be doable.


Improve your Excel skills. "But I am a nurse.." IMPROVE. YOUR. EXCEL. SKILLS.


It may not be Excel specifically, but nurses spend hours each day on computers. Basic computer skills are a necessity for most careers.


There are 2 kinds of people in the working world. Those who live in denial of reality and those who embrace reality. Those who deny it want to live in a fantasy world and you should avoid them. The other ones are the real ones. If you tell someone it's too early or you are tired and they react with anything accept "Relatable" or "I feel your pain" then exit stage left.


"Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays." Me in my head: I hope you get run over in the parking lot later.


Why do people think a new grad should use their free time being the earliest, and stick around after hours? If they wanted to do that, nobody would have to tell them. Giving that as advice makes them think it’s an expectation when it should not be. Also, the “work hard” thing doesn’t work anymore, it’s work smart. But maybe how well you do a business job is dependent on how long you’re at the office, and how hard you look like you’re working.


Which is why working from home is so nice for those industries. You don't need to look like you're working hard. However, we've noticed in my company that recent graduates benefit greatly from being in the office as they're still learning their jobs, so advice 1 might be good for them.


Nobody thinks this really - apart from completely out of touch sociopaths like this guy. “First in, last out” is for people who hate themselves and their home life.


I firmly believe that this big push to go back to the office is by socialites and people that hate their home life and just need an escape from their SO and kids. Which is fine, go to the office, just don't drag those that have built comfortable home lives in with you because you NEEEEEEED to socialize.


Exactly it tbh - we have had word of some “return to work” preparation on our end now - it better be voluntary or else I’m outta there and I know a lot of others will be too. Thankfully I don’t think they’ve planned too far ahead and we’ve already outgrown our current office. We’re mostly on sales and others marketing and recruitment so absolutely no need to be in office for any of it. If they force things they’ll learn the hard way that’s not what to do.


I tell new hires all the time that if you work 10 hours a day to get the same work done as Todd, who 'works' 5 hours a day and punches out after 8 hours, then you are bad at your job.


That's similar to an anecdote that's often attributed to Bill Gates- if there's a difficult job, give it to a lazy person bc they will figure out the best and fastest way to do it because they don't want to spend that much time on it or repeating it. The most important piece of advice that's missing is to be attentive and try to roll with the company culture already in motion/different people at work will want different things from you. Have had a boss that called me out for taking notes at a meeting once bc she thought it meant people were hearing but not listening-- so ya know, milage can vary for any of these things


That would drive me insane. I have ADHD and, although I’m medicated, taking notes helps me focus on what the person is talking about.


Interesting. I learned a while back that some people suck at their jobs, but in such a professional manner that they keep it for years upon years. And some people are so good at their job they essentially eliminate it.


They can get to know me in my contractually obligated 8-hour work day. Not early, not late.


Tip 12 contradicts every tip on the list ... If I will only be judged on my work ethic then why should I do any of the other tips?


Work ethic is important but it often doesn’t matter. Often people who bullshit and are less knowledgeable get promoted.


Sometimes it feels like the norm. I’ve lost track of how many co-workers I’ve had over the years that look good on paper, know how to articulate all the right things, but are actually crap at their job. Yet, those are the ones that tend to get promoted. It’s image over reality.


Yep happened at my job currently. We have to work with an agency for part of our job and our account manager was one of the absolute worst I’ve ever had. The position I was hired to grow into - I got a new director and they didn’t think I was good enough suddenly (because they don’t know our industry) and then hired this shitty account manager because they were a good bullshitter Sadly before that happened they ignored all my feedback about the agency and how they were pissing away money and was literally ignored. Hired anyways and we’ve just gotten the same lazy and shitty experience and the director ignores all criticism, gaslights when issues are brought up regarding the person, at one point saying that no one outside the department is complaining, not realizing that it’s because they don’t actually have to work with this person Fucking toxic to say the least


Or promoted because of some form of nepotism.


Should be the top comment


Man i bought into this shit most of my life, thinking that i had to prove my worthiness to earn money for my basic necessities. I've since adopted a new attitude "fuck you, pay me"


this is all old school advise. we are no longer in the 1950s and people need to get over it


I totally agree, however, there is a game being played at work. I hope every day that people will break free of this mind set, but until then, perception matters for new people, especially new grads. As stupid and superficial as most of this crap is, people ephod perceive someone like this as a hard worker, enthusiastic, and dependable. When they choose who gets what project, this person would get the ones that will further his career. It sucks. It's myopic. It's antiquated. But it's true.


>As stupid and superficial as most of this crap is, people ephod perceive someone like this as a hard worker, enthusiastic, and dependable. True. >When they choose who gets what project, this person would get the ones that will further his career. Not true. This person *might* get those opportunities, but they might also go to the boss's girlfriend's kid, or the guy who sucked up more than him, or he might be "too valuable here- you're our best guy in this department!" Don't work your ass off until you're sure you're not chasing a carrot on a stick.


It's true that you *might* see some reward from overworking yourself, but usually you just get more work. Even when there is a reward, most of the time it's less than you can get by switching companies every 2 years.


>As stupid and superficial as most of this crap is, people ephod perceive someone like this as a hard worker, enthusiastic, and dependable. > > > >When they choose who gets what project, this person would get the ones that will further his career. Yeah this is the Repbulican myth of America (and therefore work) being a meritocracy. It simply does not work like that.


I agree with all of you guys. and if there's anything I've learned working in corp America it is that employers will literally take every -single-thing that they can from you: every min of your day, your mind, your health. EVERYTHING. it's our job to not give it to them and set some kind of boundaries.


Excel '55 was the best Excel


Yeah I remember my grandpa telling me his workplace wouldn’t let him be on Snapchat all day.


As others have said, there's a lot of crap here, but there's also some good advice here as well. Learning Excel well can make you a hell of a lot more employable, and to less skilled people makes you look like a straight up wizard. I don't necessarily agree with "reading the WSJ", but having some idea of how your employer's business fits in to the world as a whole helps more than you think it would, in almost any role. And "having work friends" is incredibly important. Not for your current job, but for when you're looking for the next one. This is just part of being well-networked, and is great advice.


Ugh. I still work with so many people who don't know basic excel functions.


Some good advance in there, aside from some minor dumb stuff. Taking notes is a specific favorite of mine, having that second memory is always liked by your coworkers.




A good 90% of what is said in meetings is nonsense people spout out because talking the most is how you get promoted. I’m not going write that all down.


Would be hilarious if you were steady listening and writing during the whole meeting, but when the known windbag person is speaking you totally disengage 😂😂


Lol I’ll just read back something somebody said and ask them to elaborate and they will just be blown away because it was a surface level comment that added nothing to the conversation and have nothing more to say.


Honestly I've done that. They never notice though, too high on their own bollocks.


You don't have to / want to write everything down. Just the important stuff. I mean, you should have learned how to do that in school. In one of my first jobs (a looong time ago), when I was brand-new I took lots of notes on the things I was being introduced to for the first time. My boss told me a couple of years later that when he saw me doing that, that he knew I was going to be just fine.


I didn't say you needed to learn stenography, I said to take notes.


How do you gauge who the highest person in the office is? Bob in logistics is baked out of his mind on the daily, but Abby in 3P purchasing probably gets way more baked on her lunch break than Bob ever was during that day.


How to Become the Ultimate Cuck: A Guide That Will Have You Doing Everyone Else's Job for Them and Everyone Using You as a Workhorse


They're the ones with the labor shortage, why they making us sweat about outdoing each other? Btw all this hustle culture crap doesn't improve output or profit. The job becomes making your coworkers look bad so you look better. But management doesn't really know anything about doing or making. They think whipping us is good practice. That stupidity is their downfall. When the workforce is scared away or simply doesn't return because of low compensation, these managerial heads will roll. You get what you fucking deserve.


Replace 7 with a resource that is relevant to your field. Keeping informed. Keeping up to date in your field keeps you ahead. If your job is in the office... I can see 1 being a thing. Accepting the down votes here. But .. much of this is still relevant as much as people want to dismiss it Many that I work with are a bit younger or the same age as I am and these unwritten rules are still valid. I'd avoid calling these boomer rules. It is absolutely fine if you just want to do enough not to get fired. Just don't be the person wondering why everyone else gets better promotions and raises. That isn't an insult..just a fact. I see plenty of people having a relatively balanced life. Not killing themselves,but also not doing just enough. No one says work longer hours, but being available at odd times works to your benefit Would you want to pay someone that is on the phone all day, for any non emergency reason? I actually do associate with a coworker here and there after work. Having a work friend doesn't need to be. Invasive. It is a professional situation. These people become a help to you in one way or another. Both of you end up helping each other out. I've gotten really good advice and insight on things I may not have known otherwise. When we were in the office on a daily basis I'd stop by and show my face if there was an event near the office. It was free and cost me nothing but 30/40 mins. It's called networking.


Perfect comment for this topic. I don’t try to become BFFs with anyone at work but I enjoy hanging out with people and once in a while outside of work.


I used to be a little concerned about the possibility of finding a new job. However, after about a month or so in this subreddit it seems it may be easier. Especially, if so many people have this type of heavy energy/strong response over things that help them fair better in the long run. Nothing on this list says: you're owned by an evil corporation. I didn't have anyone show me these things when I started out. I had to learn the hard way. Also, suggestions like reading the WSJ doesn't need to be taken literally. If you're in X industry... keep up to date on X industry progress or updates.


Same here. Networking always sounded like Bs but once I figured out it just means being friendly and having mutually beneficial conversations, it suddenly clicked and wish I knew that earlier


I have a trail of things I wish I did. .... Since I'm typing To anyone under a certain age and reading this: Match your company's 401k contribution. Read up on Roth/IRA. Live under your means. Discuss your financial habits if you plan on getting married. Enjoy your youth and be smart about your future. Lol...now get off my lawn.


The avoid negative people comment is terrible advice. At work, you want to be liked by everyone within reason. That includes the positive people and the negative. If someone gets a better job somewhere else and can refer you in, you don’t want them to think “oh well they didn’t like me so I won’t help them”.


Who wrote this trash?


We all know a boomer wrote this…


“ Don’t be on Instagram and snap all day :)” lmao this person is a simp


How to tell everyone you’re a Boomer in 15 bullet points


6 is totally true. Recently I showed up at my local hospital and said I’d like to interview for a position as a cardiologist. The guy asked where I went to medical school I said I didn’t but was willing to learn while shaking his hand firmly. I’m currently head cardiologist. I have great yelp reviews.


The handshake thing is such a stupid power-trip.


If you were a real team player and turned that handshake into a hand job, you would be Chief of Staff.


I’m good at all kinds of jobs.


All of this will make it so you never advance, get a raise and will need to job hop in order to get a pay bump or better working conditions. My advice is work at about 60% and say it's your max output so when work tells you that you need to do more or there's a deadline you can just up it to 80% of your best and you'll look like you worked really hard. This will also help with arguing for raises. If you give your all right away and do way more than anyone is expecting from you, it will be much harder later on to argue that you deserve a raise when you're barely doing any better than when you first started; if you only go at 60% it's not hard to bump that up to 70% and then come to the boss and show how you've been able to do 10% more work. You are promoted to your level of incompetence, not by your actual merit 9/10 times. You gotta play their game how they want you to in order to win big.


Agreed. And if you're a super efficient low level worker, any boss you have will like you so much (because you are a good employee and make their life easier) so they will be unlikely to want to promote you as well.


2 is legit, 3 should be more 'clean and neat is fine.' the rest is garbage advice for any decent company.


This reads like career advice in the 1970s.


They forgot “Don’t add smiley faces after your sentences.”


and "the only appropriate fonts for a professional email are Arial (or a close sans-serif equivalent like Colibri) and perhaps Courier if you're pasting in code." Leave the comic sans and stupid "calligraphy" fonts at home.


Let's make this a bit simpler shall we: 1. Learn how to write and use Excel (Excel is a software program and should be capitalized, guess he/she needs to work on those writing skills). 2. Have a good work ethic. 3. Act like a professional. 4. Be courteous to others.


Agree/disagree/thermonuclear bomb the human race?


I don’t use instagram much and I don’t snap. I kill time at work by just constantly shitting. Like, I’m shitting all the time. I literally am on the clock shitting 5+ times a day.


The world is changing. Here follow this advice from 60 years ago.


So LinkedIn is literally just for execs or marketers who do no actual labor to jerk each other off right?


LinkedIn is a work slave bootlicking circle jerk


Be a new slave so they own your life, have no moral values other than the company’s and sacrifice yourself to make no life changing income


New Grads are screwed, nobody is gonna hire you unless you have experience. Might as well lie and say you graduated 3 years before you did and then make up some job you worked the last 3 years


WSJ is a total shit rag…


I hate all of these. especially 1-15


> Read the WSJ This is the opposite of good advice for literally anyone.


2, 6, 8, I sort of agree but the rest all have solid “hello fellow kids” vibe


Learn to be a good slave. Give them more time than you are paid for. Leave your self respect at home. Don’t take vacations, it creates a bad impression. Always buy your boss coffee and shine their shoes. Sacrifice your personal time and forego life experiences, they are meaningless. Give complete loyalty and expect none in return. Abandon free will.


"Work on your writing" ... "Akward"


I read “arrive higher than the highest person who goes to the office”


He lost me at Excel being useful in every job. In fact z he lost me before that, but that's the one that's blatantly stupid. You can tell this is the kind of person who's job just has to do with making sure other people are doing their job; which is to say: bullshit work.


The smiley and winky faces really sell this for me. Whoever wrote this is a douchenugget


No ❤️


As someone who tried a lot of this bullshit for a decade, I can confirm it mostly means nothing. I found that the people who literally sucked the bosses dick and the people who let him know they knew, did well in the company


What a bunch of bullshit! A job is when someone sells a specific number of hours for money to provide for their personal and familial needs. That’s it. Arriving early, working late only benefits the corporation not the employee and the whole mandatory socializing after hours is toxic bullshit.


Stop hiding these individuals. They purposefully made this comment on a public forum. They should be seen.


Lol they’re trying so hard to sound cool and hip


Ya. Fuck that person. Perpetuating that working hard always gets you ahead. So many other factors and circumstances than that. How about a company that values work-life balance and believes in your mental health and well-being.


That advice on page one is obnoxiously shallow. Almost as if the advice-giver had been exploited for decades and wants to continue the vicious cycle.


Why not just where a sign around your neck that says, "I'm exploitable?"


Also learn how to write. Seriously, if you are making typos and spelling errors all the time, you lose credibility. It is distracting. Also, you SHOULD work hard, do your best, but you have to be able to set a boundary and walk away from work. You should not be expected to do more outside of your job. You are allowed to have other things outside of your life than work.


Most of this is pretty solid advice for a professional career. I’d happily give that advice to a new graduate employee.


At one job, the VP of my department was an insane workaholic. No matter what time I got to the office, he was already there. Workday started at 8 I’d gotten in there at 630 before and he was already there. Always there no matter how late I stayed too. My department (not my project though) was holding the keys to a multibillion dollar project and getting it through the door fell mostly on him. I kinda felt sorry for him but I know he wasn’t making any extra money no matter how much he worked over (all salaried)


IDK, the "avoid negative people" kinda smells like "don't fraternize with unhappy coworkers" which I don't agree with. It's important to discuss mutual displeasures about working conditions.


How about number 4 ? …


Tbh I don't see how this advice is toxic. 1 & 7 may be dumb depending on the field but that's about it


and what about 3? are we really cool with that?


5 and 14 specifically are definitely toxic. Workers aren't owed anyone's friendship, in fact bringing personal time into the workplace is literally no better than being on Snapchat. Why would it be? "Someone is paying you for your time" is literally incompatible with the "you should hang out after hours just for fun" mindset. A lane must be picked. Frankly, the don't be on Snapchat one is out of place advice too- not because Snapchat shouldn't be avoided, but because it's something high schoolers learn being marketed to University graduates. Grads usually don't even use Snapchat anymore tbh.


I mean I get that but there's a spectrum here, and I don't really see this advice as recommendation to pretend to be friends with coworkers or forcing the issue just because of corpo culture. Having friends at work can be valuable for the personal reasons as well, not just for the worker drone corporate culture. The point I'm making here is that in "friends at work", the "at work" part is secondary really I think (if they're really friends and not just fake smiles)


Being friendly is great. Being pressured to find friends specifically at work, however, is problematic. Some people really DO have enough friends or enough obligations outside of work. Even having friendship time wouldn't happen at the workplace or during working hours. Like I said, a lane must be picked. Work time and work facilities are paid for by the company- that's not a recreational environment even though people can be friendly while working. Friendships aren't tools for work. Friendship advice is not work advice at all, in any way.


Worse career advice ever. My grandfather used to give me this kind of advice.


This isn’t toxic and actually good advice if you’re looking to advance your career quickly and build a network. If you just want the job and no quick advancement that’s ok too. You don’t have to hate on those that do this


2 and 10 is actually really good advice … writing and excel translate to ANY office job in ANY industry…. and the studying part … not studying for your job per se… but deep diving into subject matter in your field and becoming more competent will reward you … maybe not at the company, but at the next one