T O P

My father's girlfriend is only 10 years older than me

My father's girlfriend is only 10 years older than me

RltnshpThrowaway19

Hey, I was you when I was 14 years old. My dad started dating and got married to someone who was 25, I was in the same boat you're in right now. BUT I decided I should give her a chance. It really turned out to be awesome. She never tried to be like the strict parent or replace my mom (who had died). There were some unexpected perks...like she could understand me more than my dad could so when we butted heads she would often explain to my dad why I acted that way or why I got so upset at something he said etc. She also was like a Big Sister, someone I could go to for advice on things, sometimes as simple as clothes etc. She let my dad handle the discipline stuff for the most part, I mean we had our moments where we clashed, but if you have more than one female living in the same place that'll probably happen lol. In the end I was super glad my dad married her cause there were some rough spots I went through as a teenager that I appreciated having a female presence around. You're older than I was but that might still happen. It's TOTALLY weird at first, 100%, but if you give her a chance and she's a good person...it could work out


kettelbe

Great experience of life! :)


IceyLizard4

I wish my stepmom was like this.


Snarffalita

I know he's your dad, so this might seem hard to fathom, but your dad is not that old himself. It would be different if he was over 50. He had you pretty young, and 26 and 38 is a pretty reasonable age difference.


awnawkareninah

Yeah damn this is making me feel old as fuck. I didn't realize 38 was an old man.


murderousbudgie

I can see why you're weirded out. She's closer in age to you than your dad. That said, I think she and your dad are in the same life stage. They both have young kids, since you said you had little brothers. It's not like she's a party girl running around shutting down the bars like other 26-year-olds. You're already 16 so even if they did get married on a reasonable timeline, she'll never be your stepmother, she hasn't raised you. You'll probably be out of the house by the time she's even decided to be a permanent fixture. Your friends might say something gross about her, but your dad could also marry a good looking 45 year old and your friends could say something gross.


mamihlapinatapae

She might be 10 years older than OP and 12 younger than the OP's dad but there is so much to grow up and learn from 16 to 26 than 26 to 38. If his gf was 20 and he was 32, that's a different story.


CrazyReader93

Or he could marry a 45 year old woman who is a total A hole, give her a chance. My husband îs 17 years older than me and we have been together almost 7 years. I mention this just to point that the age difference îs not a matter if they are together and happy. And as somebody said the fact she îs young might help în her understanding you. Give it a chance


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Ok-Implement-4370

Came her to say Half plus Seven puts her in the zone. 12 years is not a huge gap for him. He was 6 years older than OP when OP was born


ImpactDangerous3052

Came here for the same reason. It's on the edge, sure, but it's still ok. I do understand op however as op's dad was very young when he became a dad and the age gaps between op -> parent's gf -> parent is weird. The dynamic with having a parent's partner not being that far away from you can understandably feel odd, something op's dad probably should have considered or at least talked about.


MagniJewett

Honestly, I was a single mom of three kids for a long time. When you’re 26 and a mom, dating other 26 year olds especially ones without kids IS A SHITSHOW. Single childless men that are 26 just do NOT understand that you can’t just run off into the sunset with them. Get to know her. You never know she might be really good for your dad.


NicotineSolitude

I'm a 22 y/o single mom and I've lost all hope of dating guys my age. I'm over here ironing, cooking, cleaning and thinking about groceries and diaper discounts. I get up at 8am every day. Including weekends. While a guy my age is playing shooter games, sleeping til 2pm, thinking of next PS Plus discount, smoking weed and not knowing how to boil an egg as he waits for his mom to come home and cook for him. I know it comes off wrong to get along with men who are 30+ but realistically it's the only age group that will understand I can't just ditch my kid at 10pm and get blackout drunk or high with them. Best is when they tell me "can't your mom babysit for a day?". Suuure because her sole existence is to be my free nanny after she just finished raising me. They're oblivious. And if I don't respond in an hour because I'm busy with my kid they get emotional tantrums. Having a kid turns your life around and you are forced to age your behavior, mentality and general approach to life. There's also the added stress of not wanting to fuck around. I don't want my child to go through 10 random men I might date because they're too young to know whether they wanna stay with me or just fuck with me. I can't do that. I'd rather be single. If I didn't have a kid I'd probably agree with OP and it would all sound horrifying but I totally understand both his father and the woman. Mandatory edit: I'm not generalizing young men. I said "a guy my age". Not "all guys my age". If you're gonna come at me over that go right ahead but you're arguing with me over something I didn't say thus you'll get ignored. I am perfectly aware there are capable and mature young men out there. Having dating preferences isn't generalizing or insulting a certain gender or age group. It's a personal thing and this comment is a subjective experience by me and for me only. It isn't a dating guide or an objective essay for the whole planet to agree with. You don't have to agree. I'm not asking you to agree. But don't argue with me over having romantic/sexual preferences. That's ridiculous.


MagniJewett

I’ll tell you right now that it doesn’t help if they are older. My husband is 33 and he comes home from work and plays video games for 6+ hours a night.


SteelyRamirez

Before my parents divorced, my dad always was spending his spare time after work by playing games or watching football, sure, he did it for 4-5 hours, not 6, but I get what you're saying. Years passed, now after work he started taking a walk and just enjoy fresh air and night sky, sure he still likes games, he plays one mobile game, rok, if I remember correctly, but he does it only on his way to or from work, so overall he plays less than 1 hour a day. So yeah, I think it changes with age, he became older, and he started to enjoy "real" stuff if I can say so. And he is 52 if you're wondering how much you have to wait.


stuckonmonk

That’s an exception. Not a rule.


MagniJewett

Man I sure hope so


Tin_Can_Of_Doom

As a 26 year old guy who tried to date someone that has kids. Maybe you should try and date MEN your age not BOYS. Just because your taste sucks doesnt mean we are all bad. Also dont forget that it was your choice to have children nobody owes you anything. Also you get to choose your childrens father. Dont blame others for your poor choices.


NicotineSolitude

26 and 22 and totally different worlds. I'm talking about 22, not sure why you, 26 are offended by my comment. If you consider 22 and 26 of same maturity, I hate to disappoint you but it's not the case. At 22 you're still either in college with no experience or just started out a career and experiencing adult life for what it is. Likely still living with parents. Not knowing whether you want kids or if you wanna date a woman who has them. At 26 you are already out of college, possibly have a stable career or enough experience to potentially have your own place and having some kind of life planned out. You kinda know whether you want kids or if you want a woman who has them. These two things couldn't be more opposite. Not sure why you're salty over my personal dating preferences to begin with. And don't get into my personal life shit and talk about my kids father because you don't know jack shit. He could've died from a disease and I could be a widow for all you fucking know. Watch your fucking mouth before you talk shit. If you're interested in dating women with children then the last fucking thing you do is judge them for who they had their child with. You got offended by my comment as if I generalized. Nowhere did I say "all" of them at that age are like that. I said "a guy". You're just looking to argue over stupidest shit. Maybe you're not as mature as you think you are if some random chicks dating preferences can trigger you this much.


awnawkareninah

It's not taste, sometimes you want to date people who are doing the same shit as you and more likely than not people in their later 20s/early 30s have young kids. It's not a slight against you that you aren't in a similar stage of life, it just is what it is.


Culexius

You got a point. Lots of the more mature Guys or reasonable 22 year olds Are out there. Yet i see lots of people go for the "cool 22 year guys" Funny enough, those Are the ones who like to party+weed and play video games. And then people who dates them goes on to say "every 22 year old does this" Nope not All of them. But try explaining to people that they can't have both the careless, exciting, buff bro and a guy who wants to be serious and grown up at 22, at the same time. You will get called an A hole xD And If you make a similair request your standards for a partner I will bet you real life money that you will be told to lower your expextations or asked what you bring to the table that's so great


kcawks

Is she crossing any boundaries? I mean is she pushing the relationship to the point where you’re uncomfortable? Or trying to push you away so her kids get more attention? If not then atm she isn’t bad. Give it time, no one is asking you to take to this immediately. Remember that there’s not many people around your fathers age that’s available.


Individual-Two-1731

Hi, I don't know how helpful this is, but if they marry that doesn't automatically make her your mom figure, she could just be "dads wife". The degree of separation created by how you frame it can be helpful. And at your age I doubt you'd be building a sibling bond with her kids... So they'd just be "Janet's kids".


TheMagus84

My mom started dating someone when I was 30. He doesn't call me his daughter & I don't call him "dad". He's just "Dave" or "my moms boyfriend" to me. But he's "grandpa Dave" to my kid because he's been with my mom for my kids entire life. It works.


davedank

A 26 year old single mom just isn't going to have a lot of good options in her age group. I'm sorry, but there it is. Being a dad himself, your father has a LOT in common with her. And they just might be good for each other. A lot of successful long-term relationships are built on less of a foundation.


ancientent

At 26 there aren't a lot of good options even without a kid...most men don't earn enough to care for a family until later in life. Income stats are harsh. Lots of cultures do this regularly and it had been the way for ages....sry for the pun


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AwkwardChuckle

No one can support a family on a single income in this world anymore unless you’re extremely lucky or privileged. It’s unheard of for couples not to have a double income anymore.


stormsign

Not unheard of, just depends on where you live, budget, etc. My family is single income, we just have a low mortgage and don't have any excess spending. I do consider us pretty lucky but it's definitely not an impossible dream.


ancientent

Top 10% can....I can, but it took until i was about 33 before I could make that claim


Adrian915

So wait, you think having an SO is about financial stability above everything else? And you're surprised from your post history that someone might have baby trapped you? Perhaps you should look at life differently than a business transaction in order to avoid situations like that in the future.


anon7398

Congratulations. I've downvoted 2 comments in my life and this was one of them! Maybe judge someone based on more than how much money they have when youre evidently not prepared to take any responsibility yourself either.


FatherPyrlig

You’ll be an adult in 2 years. She never has to be your step mother. But if you’d dad is going to be with her you should at least give her a chance. If you have a good relationship with her everyone in your family will be happier, including you. The age difference is much less of a big deal at their ages. At 16, dating someone a year younger can be weird. It’s not the same when you are older.


Grahaml1980

Are they not a good match? Are they unhappy? The 10 years gap between you and her is so much more significant than the 12 years between them. Especially if their lives are at a similar stage. Unless you are worries about their relationship it's not an issue. As for you not seeing her as a step mother, this is always a weird dynamic. Just remember that even at 26, her experience and life knowledge dwarfs yours. I tend to think people start to see the world around 14 and even then only slowly. I'm sure you look at 14 year old kids and feel like they know so little. This keeps happening, faster and faster until your early 20s and then it slows. My advice here is don't think of her as a mum, but someone who can help and offer advice and you'll make your own step mother/step son relationship.


KillingLilly

I married a man 6 years older than me. I was 26, he was 32. He had 3 kids (at the time they were 4, 9, and 11) and my son was 5. It was weird a little at first being the mom to older children (he also had a step daughter who was 18 at the time, but we didn’t see her really) We had a baby together a couple years after we were married. His situation could be different than your dads, his ex cheated many times and was moving in and out and was super stressful for his kids. I brought normalcy, calm, and stability into their lives. But, even with the age gap, it worked out beautifully. Give it time, you can’t judge him for following his heart unless it was drastically inappropriate. People mature at different rates, and settle down at different ages. Don’t judge her too harshly until you get to know her.


bendy_when_wet

I know it seems weird but she's at a similar life stage as your dad. Plus you've only got a few more years until you're an adult and you can leave. If this really bothers you maybe start saving up to move out now, so you have enough when you're an adult. So long as you dad and his gf respect each other and are happy just let them be. She'll never really be your step-mum bc the raising has already been done and she will probably be more concerned with raising her own children. In reality, just let your dad be happy.


fgiacomo

It's just prejudice. Her age gap is not that big to you father (like, when your dad was 24 she was 12, he had double her age then... but when he is 68 she'll be 56 and that gap seems nothing at all). It really comes down to her being nice with you and your siblings and make your father happy. That being said, as a family, you all need to manage how to live harmoniously, with the younger kids. If that is impossible, and not by your fault (you must try your best), then your dad needs to compromise for the well being of your family


MarevlousMsMimi

I was the SM in this situation. And you know what? It is weird. But also? It doesn’t matter. Give her a chance. As long as she is kind to you and your Dad, and a good person, and your dad is happy, you’ll get used to it. You are 16, the soonest they get married (should it go that way) you’ll likely be 18. By that point you’ll be off to college or some other awesome adventure and it will just be normal by then.


DinosaurDomination

A 12 year difference really isn’t all that much the older you get (an 18 year old dating a 30 year old yeah that’s not good but a 38 year old man dating a 26 year old? Meh whatever dude). Also she‘s not your step mom, she’s not trying to be either. She’s just your dads girlfriend. If they get serious then talk to him and tell him you can be happy for him (in time) but that she needs to stay in her lane and not try and parent you.


RazorRazzleberry

Also by the time they get married. You'll be an adult. Its not that serious.


Thoughtsshared

Some parents find partners younger than kids ! Lol 10 years is a lot when you compare 16 to 26.


PuroPincheGains

She, having kids, is wayyyy closer in maturity to your dad than you think. It's not weird to feel some way about it, but so what? What do you want him to do, dump her? For what? So you don't feel a little weird? This is a you problem my dude. You don't ever have to be comfortable with it, but at the end of the day, it doesn't affect or harm you in any way other than what you concoct in your head. If you think speaking with a therapist might help, ask your dad to book something for you.


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Ok-Implement-4370

You would of been 8 when she was 18 and she Graduated?


chipface

That's an acceptable age gap for someone his age.


AdnanS0324

Have you talked to your dad about this?


Disastrous_Way8585

He said that he doesnt care what I think, they are both adult etc


RazorRazzleberry

Well he's right. If you don't have a right to dictate his life. He loves you obviously. He's not robing the cradle. A woman over 24 should be mature enough to know who she is dating. Also like everyone else said. Just focus on is she respectful. Also are you being respectful. You can't expect respect if you don't give it. Its like going to the store saying, "give me bread and expecting someone to give it to you." If your dad started dating a 60 year old woman would that make you feel better or worse?


AdnanS0324

That sucks, dude. It's true they're both adults, and it's also true that they're allowed to do whatever they want, but that's bullshit that he doesn't care what you think. Sorry you're going through this. Edit: Why am I being downvoted for empathizing with a teenager? Yeah, I get that it's not his place to say anything, but he should be able to have a conversation with his father about what he's thinking and feeling without being dismissed.


ManzBearzPigzIzRealz

Eh, she might be paraphrasing. Dad might have been more sympathetic in reality.


Senior_Piglet1771

my personal opinion no judging, speaking from my experience with my parents trying to "choose" or judge who I'm with - they're adults so I think he gets to not care what she thinks - she's gonna be an adult in two years who may make decisions her father doesn't like and he will have to go about his day in exchange for her happiness (he probably has done that already several times) so why can't she do the same? It's about mental maturity, not the number, and sorry OP but if your friends are saying shit things about an adult who's making a perfectly normal life decision then they're not the best of friends... they're not in any place to judge and you shouldn't let them I think you'll understand better once you hit your 20s tbh, I get why you may feel weird but know that he isn't doing anything wrong and it would be great if you could be supportive, he must've had his struggles in life too


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AdnanS0324

Lol idk, I’m pretty sure I would try to make sure my kids are happy and content with the choices I make.


____Batman______

This subreddit is for insane people who don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like to offer advice


AnnieNonmouse

I think people take it too far. If she was rude to him or unkind or something sure but just dumping someone you like because your teenager doesn't like them for arbitrary reasons they can't change is kind of dumb.


shhmokemeowt

I would feel a bit uncomfortable too, but just talk to ur dad about how it’s making u feel. they are adults tho, so the best u can do is just let ur feelings be known and go on about ur own life.


Ecstatic_Tangerine21

I'm sorry, but this reaction is coming from the fact that you are 16 and (respectfully) ignorant. A 26 year old and a 38 year old dating is not in any way inappropriate, and the fact that it makes you uncomfortable begs the question: Are you sure its not jut the fact that he's dating in general and you're not as okay with it as you claim to be? The fact she has kids also makes the age difference LESS significant in my opinion because that is a life experience they both share, and she is not a young impressionable 18 year old who is in some way being manipulated since she doesn't know any better. Also - you don't need to tell people how old she is, its none of anyone's business when they are two mature consenting adults. If someone asks, say you don't know or that you know she's a little younger but they're about the same age. As a 29 year old F myself, I could easily see myself dating a 38, 39, 40 year old. You're making it weird when it doesn't need to be; because it's not.


Disastrous_Way8585

No, I'm happy if he's happy. I guess I just felt it was odd that a 26 year old woman was interesting in a 38 year old man, felt like it can't be real, maybe she just needs someone to help her raise her kids or something. But then you said that you would be perfectly fine with dating a 38-40 year old man so I guess I'm clueless and wrong.


patronstoflostgirls

It's really not about the age but the life stages they're in and things they have in common. They both have young kids (I'm guessing you're the exception who your dad had relatively young). Would I, a 27 yo childfree PhD student be interested in a 38 yo single dad? Probably not. Can a 26 year old woman with children be interested in a man with children of similar ages? Sure. It's not that weird. It just seems that way because the ten year gap of experience between you and her is so big, but the gap in experience between her and you dad is not. I even know a girl my age (preschool teacher) who married one of her student's father (9 years older than her). I was a little weirded out at first because they were 23 & 32 and I didn't get it. But at the end of the day, she and I are/were very different people. I was a Master's student traveling all over Europe. She was a preschool teacher who wanted to settle down and start a family.


rainnysomewhere

I dont know if this help but I am 26 and my bf is 38. We've dated a few people at our ages before but it just didnt work out. We both doesnt have kids and when we met, everything started to be on the right track and it feels like it means to be. I completely understand why you would feel this way because when i was your age, i felt the same about dating older man but I soon realize that age is just one thing, sometimes your experiences and mindset make you more mature therefore you might be attracted to people a bit much older than you. You are not wrong for feeling this way, but it would be nice if you can give her a chance.


jlux5150

I’m 29 and my bf of 2 years is 43. If 16 year old me knew that I’d be dating someone 14 years my senior in the future, I’m sure I would think it’s really weird. But as you get older, age difference doesn’t matter as much. I honestly don’t even think about our age difference and none of our friends and family think it’s weird because we click so well. We share a lot of similar interests and values. This is the healthiest and happiest relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m not a single mom but when I was in the dating pool, it was rough dating guys my age. I can’t imagine throwing kids into the mix. I know it seems weird now but just give her a chance.


Smallereye

As a woman in her age group I can tell you it’s not weird at all, but the fact that they both have kids should tell you they are in the same phase of life. I understand you are weirded out by it, but 16 year olds are babies to me and I’m sure she feels the same way. In your mind the maturity gap is smaller between you two, but in reality it’s smaller between her and your dad.


AwkwardChuckle

Oh sweet, sweet summer child… you are very ignorant and naive. But that’s to be expected from a 16 year old.


Chip_Swimming

Hey there, my husband and I married at 26 (me) and 42, and he had three sons with the oldest being 14 at the time. I can understand that it feels awkward to you, but if she is nice and is good to your dad I would say give her a chance. When you are older, you will come to realize age is just a number (in appropriate situations).


Ecstatic_Tangerine21

Men tend to mature later than women, and a lot of women prefer to date a man who has grown out of the childish immature tendencies. This is a generalization but I could see myself matching with a man 8-10 years older than me at this point in my life for sure. I don’t see anything wrong with her choosing your dad. If everything is healthy in the relationship otherwise and you’re just stuck on the age, I’d try and reconsider. I don’t think it’s about needing someone to take care of her kids specifically, but a woman with kids doesn’t want to be with a young guy who is still in the gaming phase of their life.


siberianloner

>Men tend to mature later than women, and a lot of women prefer to date a man who has grown out of the childish immature tendencies oh come on now, you are completely correct that at the point in life they are both in - both being older than at least mid 20s and having children - the age gap isn't significant but this bullshit logic is used to justify actual concerning age gaps and middle aged creeps preying on impressionable girls who barely turned 18


Ecstatic_Tangerine21

My first comment specifically mentions that being younger (like 18) would not be appropriate and would be a completely different conversation. But for someone in their mid/late 20s has plenty of reason to want to be with someone older. I agree that the logic as a blanket rule doesn't apply. My second reply was a bit short and not a full explanation of my point... I did not intend to imply that it is an acceptable logic for everyone at any age.


Gotmewrongang

It’s scientifically proven that men mature later, so sorry you don’t like science 🤷🏽‍♂️


figorchard

As someone older, it is weird. Just because you’re attracted to older men yourself doesn’t mean that’s the norm among the population. Your comment seems like you’re going on the offense and almost angry that a 16 year old child is understandably upset that his dad’s girlfriend is relatively close to his age. Tone it down a bit and let’s not get angry at a minor on the internet.


Ecstatic_Tangerine21

That wasn’t my intent. But I do understand that for some it could be weird. I don’t think based off their ages and the stages in life that they’re in (considering she is 26 but has children) that this situation is inappropriate though. OP Seems to think there is something wildly inappropriate simply because of her age vs his. And I do not believe in any way that 26 is close to 16. The difference between 26 and 38 is a lot different than 16 to 26(And I mean more than the obvious 2 year difference). Even if it was a 21 year old and a 33 year old it would be different. But 26 and 38 with the girlfriend even having kids already is not weird. Every situation is different. This just isn’t a red flag IMO.


TheSassyCheeseAddict

I don't think your previous, or this comment, came off angry at all, not sure why someone would think so, but everyone has their own perspective I guess. And I also agree, I think it's a completely appropriate age gap, especially with already having kids, as you said.


[deleted]

Um...no. It's fucking weird and disgusting. Do you not realize that his dad's girlfriend was still in *elementary school* when he was born? How can the dad look at her and not think that? Also it's not a case of OP being young in the slightest. I'm 25 and would be equally as disgusted if my 47 year old dad dated a 35 year old woman. In fact I'd highly consider cutting off ties with him until they break up. The least I'd do is keep minimal contact, like weekly check-ups or something. Large age gaps in relationships are fine when neither person has kids....but as soon as you throw kids into it (teen kids especially) anything larger than 5-7 years is gross and concerning.


maccchicken

yeah but that's the thing: she's not a new born, he isn't in elementary school anymore. They are both adults, it's her/his choice who thet want to date.


Ecstatic_Tangerine21

You’re free to have that opinion. However, I couldn’t help but notice that by the end of your response the problem isn’t with the age gap, it’s with the children being uncomfortable. Interesting.


vortexIV

Shes 26, sure its 10 years but its a lifetime between you and her in terms of age.


somedayillfindthis

She passes the half his age plus 7 rule, so I think it's fine


solidgun1

They are both adults. You in 10 years may be lifetime apart in maturity with this person. So not sure this is weird.


knicks_tape92

Your dad is only 22 years older than you. What do you expect? It’s not like she is under 21. So this completely normal. Being your fathers son you should be proud of your dad. Also is your mom aware of this could she potentially be swaying your judgment on this?


Disastrous_Way8585

My mother doesn't know, we almost never talk.


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HUMBLD

I'm the oldest.....my dad remarried...... I'm 25........ She's 27 ish ...... He is in his 50s......... His choice mate, it is weird though


ManzBearzPigzIzRealz

I’ve seen that porno.


bran4817

That's actually disgusting. She is disgusting.


HUMBLD

A little strange, but i have no say really


zucker42

You don't have to treat her like your mother. You are almost an adult and will be an adult by the time things get serious. You can choose what type of relationship you can have with her. Just treat her with respect and things should be fine. Realize that your dad is a person with his own desires and goals and a capacity to make mistakes. Dating can be really hard. There's really nothing you can do about this relationship.


nikaura

I get why its weird cause i would be hella weirded out if my mama or dad started dating a 24 year old lol


SeedyKai

It's not like you going to stay with your family forever. Eventually you will go out of your parent's house. Give her a chance. It might be weird for you but your siblings would get a mother out of her. And its your dad who shoupd be your main focus. Being alone with three kids and office to handle might be quite stressful. He need someone to talk with and him some companionship. And instead of focusing on these matters think about your life kid. You have only 2 years before you become adult legally.


HurricaneBedrock

Maybe it doesn’t work out, the balance with age gaps that large are very often a little screwed. But it’s not so big an age gap that it can’t work. Plus she already has kids, so it’s not like she’s in a early 20’s mindset like many people still are at that age. She’s most likely a full blown adult lol. Give her a chance she might just be like a cool aunt lol


IFitsWhenISits

Its only awkward if you think about it being that way. I'm in same boat myself. Never really considered it much. She didn't have any kids before the marriage so it was never that awkward for me anyway other than her being closer to my age than Dads. She gave me a little bro and sister so I no longer had to be the youngest sibling in my family. Being angry at your dad isn't going to change how he feels so I'd just do the best you can to let it go.


dslrsareobsolete

I can't say I understand your situation. However, I can see why this would weird you out and you'd be mad. Here's what I can tell you for sure: Half the answers for the posts on this subreddit is *COMMUNICATION*. If you do not talk to your father about how you are weirded out by the situation, then he won't know and won't keep that in mind. Some people may argue here that you're old enough to where this is irrelevant. However, I still believe that with any divorced parents that go back into the dating scene, the person they end up choosing is also entering a relationship with their children. Your father deserves to be happy, but so do you. You need to sit down and have a good conversation about this boundaries this is crossing for you. Without that conversation, you are, by showing your lack of action, telling him you're fine with the relationship.


Real_5190

Age is a number, what matters is if they are good for each other. Also, if she is compatible with you and your siblings. Give her a chance.


animefreak98

Hey I'm in a similar situation as you. I was about 12 years old when my dad introduced me to his girlfriend she was 22 years at that time. So same 10 year age difference. He was 40 so she's 18 years younger than him. Today is actually his birthday he's 51 and they're still together.Shes now his fiance. When he introduced her he made it clear we could call her whatever we were comfortable with didn't have to call her mom or anything so I just called her aunty Candace and still do. I don't particularly like her but she makes him happy and that's what's most important to me. They also made it clear to me that they will not be getting married although about 4ish years ago they got engaged. My advice to you is to talk to your dad, find out what his plans are and voice your concerns (if you don't want to have to call her mom etc).


Anal_beadsoup

What are you doing step mom?


haleyglover_

I’d just give her a chance and be happy that your father met someone that makes HIM happy. And if you’re father is a good man, I’m happy she met him.


Economy_Excitement_1

Right now that age difference is huge to you. After 21 the age differences tend to go away. Give her a chance. You might find that she is a good person who makes your Dad happy. You will be leave to go to school soon.


tielfluff

Hi. I'm a stepmom who's 17 years older than my stepkids. You are completely fair to have your own feelings about this. I imagine it feels very strange. My husband had his kids quite young, like your dad, so unfortunately it's quite likely that any girlfriends he has are gonna be within 10-15 years of your age. I would see how things go. Blended families are super hard, and require a lot of give and take. Are you guys getting counseling atm? We did family counseling, and it really helped everyone understand where they stood. We have still had rough times over the years, but it was helpful. All the best!


Curlieqk

Just want to say OP, it's okay for you to feel weird about this. Yes, if she's a good person and makes your dad happy (which you already want for him) then she may be a good fit for the family. While yes, she isn't -that- much older than you, what happens to someone between 16 and 26 is huge. Like others have said, they can relate and that's important. So it may feel weird now, but if they stay together the age difference won't seem so weird when you're 26 and she's 36. Maybe a little weird, but not so bad. It's okay to be weirded out, but good for you for being willing to give her a chance. She deserves one.


Swimmer-Glittering

Echoing a lot of what was already said. It is completely valid to feel strange about this situation. She is closer in age to you than she is to your father. That must feel inherently wrong. However there are two things to consider. Your dad's girlfriend's feelings: There just are not many good options for 26-year-old single mothers. I am 29 and am likely not mature enough for your dad's girlfriend. I still have roommates and I am in grad school and I do not have a steady income. And even I am further along than most of the dating pool your dad's girlfriend would have to deal with if she stuck with guys closer to her age. The reality is she has more in common with older men who are also parents and in more mature, stable positions in their lives. Your dad's feelings: Your dad had you pretty young, at 22 by the math. That means that if he were to date younger, ever, he would be dating someone who is fairly close in age to you. You would be placing a limit on your dad's dating pool if you expected him to date his age or older. That's unfair. If she makes you uncomfortable, tries to be your mom, etc. bring up these feelings with your dad. Otherwise, I would give her a chance and maybe she will turn out to be good for your whole family.


Vivus_Mortuus

You gotta stop watching so many animes of stepmoms. Beside that, this is pretty normal tbh


whatevasasquatch

She is a single adult with children. 12 years, for adults, is not a huge age gap, but 26 with kids CAN be a massive maturity gap between herself and men closer to her age. She likely decided to date older because of this. It isn't as though she is young enough to be his kid (that starts getting into murky territory at that point). I have had a parent do that. Please give her a chance. It may not be as awful as you think.


bambinofto

This is why kids need to stay out of their parents relationships


[deleted]

Even though it effects them the most? Sorry but I'd be disgusted if my dad dated someone only 10 years younger than me, and I'm in the same age group as OP's dad's girlfriend 🤷‍♀️ This is legit borderline/glorified predatory, in my opinion. When your partner was still a little kid when your own kid was born...that's gross and concerning as fuck.


bambinofto

As somebody in their mid-late twenties you should know that mentally being 26 isn’t the same as being 18 and it’s much closer to being 38 Glorified predatory my ass Actually since you know so much what is the youngest age that OPs dad should date because if we go off the bullshit half plus seven rule she’s fine


ApathyTX

They are 8 years apart and adults, I don't see the problem here. Also, she not your mom. She's not your step mom even. She's just a girl he's dating. Chill.


murderousbudgie

12 years. She's closer in age to the son than the dad. They're still adults and within their rights to do whatever but let's not pretend he's wrong for being weirded out.


shhmokemeowt

They’re not 8 yrs apart…


ApathyTX

12 my bad. Still. Semantics. 26=Consenting Adult 38=Consenting Adult 16=Butthurt Kid who thinks Dad needs his permission in who to date and fuck


AdnanS0324

Empathy is not your strong suit, is it?


shhmokemeowt

Or math.


AdnanS0324

LMAO


TheSassyCheeseAddict

The username checks out.


Public_Educator5982

It sucks. Worse yet everyone is telling you to suck it up...even your Dad. No one is giving your feelings any credence as if you have no importance. Your family is made up of more people then your dad, but your dad is treating you as if you are totally insignificant. My only suggestion is that you ask your father to go see a therapist to help you work through this. Hopefully that therapist if he's a good one will bring your father in to make your father realize your feelings in this situation. Your father may continue to see this woman or even marry her or heck marry someone else or date someone even younger but at least the therapist can make him see your side of things instead of dismissing you. Sometimes just being heard is the most important thing.


FancyCatapult

I’ve been in the situation of the girlfriend and I was so scared that the kids would be uncomfortable (they were 16 and 19) and that they would hate me. At the end we had a great time for years. We didn’t see each other super often, but I made sure I acted like a friend and not a step mother, which wasn’t my place. I realize that we had a better relationship than if I was older and in “competition” with their mother. So that’s my advice, that woman isn’t your mom and will never be. She’s maybe cool. She’s maybe making your father happy for now and maybe for the next years. Just relax and you’ll see :)


Otherwise_Cry_3700

So this is why there's that pornhub category


OldManSal3

she is only 10 years older than you, and she is only 10 years younger than him. Its a lot weirder for a 16 year old boy to date or be friends with a 26 year old girl than it is for a 38 year old man to have a similar relationship with a 26 year old woman. at 26 she's seen shit in highschool, seen shit in university/college. Seen shit in the workplace, likely had relationships and more than likely knows or should know what she wants.


AceyAceyAcey

What about her age seems weird to you? Does she act more like you and your brothers than she acts like your father? Is she hanging out with people closer to your age?


GetInTheHole

My step-mother is closer than that to me. I knew her when I was in jr. high and she was graduating high school. (small town, you basically know everyone). She didn't get together with my dad until much later but still.


jphillips115

His romantic relationships and her age aren’t really your place or business as his child. As long as he’s happy and she treats him with respect, as well as you, that all that matters.


BbyBabadook

My dad started dating a woman much younger than him recently too. ​ I told him "Nice..." with thumbs up and a smile.


MoistUniversities

Ew that's a gross response to your dad


ApathyTX

Follow up question: How much older than you does she need to be for you to be comfortable? 18 years older? Because that would make her the exact age as your dad. He is allowed to date younger women (and 26-38 isn't a big deal). I don't see the issue here. If she was 10 MONTHS older, yeah. But this is an adult with kids dating an adult with kids. I don't see an issue here.


AdnanS0324

> 18 years older? > > Because that would make her the exact age as your dad. This is your second comment to OP and again, you suck at math. If he's 16...and she's 18 years older, she would be 34. His dad is 38, 22 years older than OP. I know I'm dicing apart your math skills, and honestly, I get the point you're trying to make. But, I just wonder why you're being a dick to a kid with a problem.


ancientent

Age gap dating is normal for adults...not so much for teenagers. There is a biological reason to support his selection of partner and. Vice versa.


Kungfumantis

26/38 really isn't that wierd. It's different after 22 bud.


not_today_fam

While at a certain point it is about you, if this age gap is bothering you, then sorry buddy, not your concern. 26-38 is their problem, not yours.


theKFP

Why is your dad's girlfriends age really any of your business? He had you young so many potential partners are in her age range. My wife is 14 years younger than me and 14 years older than my oldest daughter, her mom is 14 years older than me so it gets even groovier. Nobody cares. I was in my 30's and she was in her 20's when we met, both able to go to bars aka consenting adults. Now her daughter is my youngest daughter, I potty trained her, got her sleeping in a big girl bed, taught her to tie her shoes, the whole bit. Now our kids have a baby brother and most of us are closer than ever. If it comes to the point that they get married hopefully you'll be on board by then. For now it's just dating, you aren't a big brother/sister to her kids and she isn't your step mom. Don't get hung up on her age, rather hope that she's a good match and your dad is happy.


DarcizzleOffshore

This sub is becoming "I just want to complain about something that really is not my business or problem."


NeroAldren20

I'm 34 and my daughter is 17. The woman I'm starting to see it 28 and has a 12 year old son. You can't help who you fall for. Unless you are 50 and they are under 18. That's creepy


Sweaty_Ad_8262

you’re overreacting. i understand that it’s a bit strange because she’s young but they’re both adults and it’s not that big of a deal. you have no right to be mad at him.


peaceful-otter

This says way more about you than anything else. You're the one that has a problem with your dad being with this woman, and it's not fair to say that your dad should choose someone closer to his own age, they met, they like eachother, as long as she is respectful and treats your dad and your family well, then the age doesn't matter. She has 10 years on you, man, imagine where you'll ten years from now, I'm sure much more mature and having learned a lot. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, keep an open mind because life can be unexpected and sometimes people can surprise you.


[deleted]

Nah I'm 9 years older than OP and I completely agree with him.


peaceful-otter

Why though? Does age really matter so much?


Missysmomlovesplants

I understand your discomfort but I hope you will move past this anger at your dad. He was young when he had you, and it's not unusual for men to date women younger than them. What if she was 30 to his 38, would that be more comfortable for you? It's really only a 4 year difference. Also, a 10 year age gap at your age is huge...She's a grown up: she's been in an adult relationship, has children, has a job/career, pays a rent/mortgage. I suspect you're worried about being a big sister to not only your little brothers but her little kids too. I hope that doesn't happen and if it does you need to speak up.Hopefully, if your dad becomes serious with her, you will like her and you two can become friends. I doubt she will try to "parent" you...but if she does, speak up. If your dad cares about her, I would say to give her a chance. Good luck. (BTW, being 16 is hard...be kind to yourself too.)


lookylouboo

I agree with a lot of the folks here saying she’s got a lot in common with your father more so based on their places in life. But I can absolutely understand the weirdness you’re feeling! Parents dating is always weird no matter the age situation. I think it would be helpful to look at her more as a “friend” or even kind of an “aunt” figure should this relationship between them blossom. No one can replace your mother and I don’t think she will ever try. But give her a shot, age isn’t everything. Sending you lots of hugs during this time of transition!


kumaridotcalm

give her a chance and get to know her. One of my friends was only about 10 years older than her stepdaughter and they ended up becoming the best of friends. It was never like a "mom" type relationship, in the beginning it was more like my friend was a cool older sister and now, 30 years later, it's just a deep and abiding friendship


MrnBlck

I feel you - my dad remarried when I was about your age - my new stepmom was about my older sisters age (early 20’s). It felt really awkward, we were never close, but he was not my custodial parent so I never had that much contact with her. About all you can do is imbed this as a life lesson in how not to treat your own kids - be respectful of your children’s feelings when bringing someone into their lives. Your dad should have kept this relationship on the DL unless and until it was serious, and he should have asked you what you thought, not told you it’s not your business, because it is.


savagegoeshard

ayo i see no problem. What has years of porn taught us xD. take two years and build your physique.


wirivusbavso

It's not too weird. 10 years is quite a big difference. She's most likely a LOT more mature than you are.


MagniJewett

That’s the funny thing about people’s perception of age. When I was 31 I was dating a 26 year old and my 19 year old thought it was gross. I’m like yeah you think it’s gross because you’re fresh out of highschool with zero life experience. Come back in 5 years. Granted, I also thought he was immature and would rather date older guys but there was nothing specifically wrong with it.


MrHorsepower989

Your feelings are valid, it can be uncomfortable to think. I guess all I can say is this person won’t replace your mother and If she makes your dad happy it’s got to be a good thing. However your happiness needs to be acknowledged, maybe just discuss with your parents about your feelings as it’s better to have their support than feel sick inside not saying how you feel. In saying that, when you get older you will understand that age isn’t important when it comes to love. Life can be awkward but I guess 10years older is better than 5 you know what I mean. I have dated people that have children my age. It’s awkward but can be ok if all get along. There is no manual for how to live life but your parents will be there for you to help you with your feelings. You never know, she may have some good influence on you. Life gets better and your understanding of it grows with every year you age. I’m 32 and im still learning but I look back and think wow I learnt so much since I was young. We all wish we knew earlier but that’s part of living, you don’t understand till you experience yourself which only comes with age unfortunately.


Brandimusprime

Ah so this is how those step mother pornos happen


Disastrous_Way8585

I prefer guys so no luck.


Brandimusprime

Lmao hey I'm not saying you but just in the general lol


StarvationCure

I'm only 11 years older than my stepson. It does feel weird now.


cyberlordsumit

You maybe jealous on your father? I don't really wanna go over much coz you just 16. But yes, let your father live his life unless he is doing something illegal.


figorchard

Why the fuck would a 16 year old be jealous of his father for dating someone relatively close to his son’s age? I totally understand the son on this and the jealousy sounds like projection on your part. Weird comment


cyberlordsumit

Not really, i can now say that your view is the project on your part. Everything is just an opinion. But yes, i have seen people complain about things that others get and they don't, Sometimes that feeling can be anything, doesn't mean just because someone particular feels it makes it justified. I have seen many people Marry with different age groups, i never had any issues.But i have seen some folks have issues over things they don't get but others do. Be it anyone. Even i envy Elon musk for his wealth and brains. But If i keep complaining about elon musk, and say he is weird for having Great success, and try to ask it here on read, doesn't mean I should not be getting any criticism. There are all kinds of people, if you have an opinion on the OPs question, feel free to answer him, i didn't ask you for opinions on my opinions nor am I going to indulge in answering every single internet warrior. Everyone has their opinions. Respect that or let go, Opinions are harmless. Unless you want to take everything personal.


figorchard

Ah fuck me I found the Elon Musk fanboy get me out of here


ItsAJAgain

What's the issue? You gonna fuck her?


siberianloner

why are you being so weird to a concerned teenager lmao


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Version-Efficient

Get over it. You're 16 years old and should be planning on going to college in 2 years anyway. The women is age appropriate for your dad. Why does it bother you? Are you jealous?


Disastrous_Way8585

Why would I be jealous? I can't be concerned about a younger woman dating my father? I can't be concerned for my little brothers? of course I might be out of the house in 2 years but what about them? I'm not saying I'm right but this is bothering me.


Version-Efficient

Your concerns are legitimate but are you jealous because you're father is spending time and money on someone else? If she's looking for a sugar daddy perhaps your father already knows. Dude your 16 and still have a long way to go to learn about what goes on in the world of love, lust and relationships.


Disastrous_Way8585

I don't care that he is spending his money or time on someone else, not the first time he's dating someone, first we met that someone but anyway we have everything we need and I'm not worried about that but being 26 years old, do you think she will be fine with raising my 12 and 10 year old brothers? she has young kids herself, I know my father would raise them if it becomes serious but I'm concerned about my brothers, I don't want them to be left out. Our mother isn't mentally stable, they have no one other than our father.


Version-Efficient

Are you planning on leaving? Does you're father exhibit poor judgement? I'm betting they'll be fine no matter what. You're thinking this way to far on the negative side. Make a list of the positive things that could happen. Again you're young and those hormones going through your body right now can do a number. Use some rational thought process and try not to be so emotional. I understand that it is hard but if you can practice logical thought practice into your life, you'll be much better off. Good luck.


figorchard

Stop being so fucking rude and condescending to a 16 year old on the internet. Like wtf dude


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not_today_fam

My man using simple maths.


Regular_Effective194

I don't think he loves her though? Like, what is he doing?


CeruleanRose9

Don’t listen to all these people telling you it isn’t weird just because she has kids. It’s weird. It’s pretty gross. Her frontal lobe brain development just finished in the last year. It’s extremely rare for a man that much older to date a woman that much younger that isn’t tied to his desire to control her. It’s okay for this to make you angry, to question his judgment, to question if he sexualizes younger women even closer to your age, the “barely legal” 18 year olds. The reason so many people are telling you it is normal is because people have been trained by the patriarchy to view this as normal. It’s not. It’s rooted in the idea that women exist for men and people will use excuses about “evolution” and “biology” but the fact is men and women in our culture are trained to view these excuses as valid reasons to justify men being borderline pedophiliac toward women, ergo the aforementioned obsession with older men and “barely legal” girls and then into 30-something men dating women well under 30. Most twenty-something women haven’t learned enough about themselves nor overcome internalized misogyny and patriarchy to really be able to establish who they are, their wants and needs, and then the ability to establish and uphold them clearly with a partner. This includes women in the “life phase” of having children. Which, let’s be honest, she’s closer to her teenage years and your life stage, just as a very young mother, than she is middle-aged like your father. I’m a 39F and I just want to tell you your feelings are valid. It’s okay to be really disappointed in and hurt by your dad. This isn’t a healthy choice on his part, and loneliness isn’t an excuse. There are plenty of women in their mid-thirties to mid-forties who would happily date a man his age if he were mature and able to handle a woman who knows who she is and what she wants. But, a very depressing wide scale study was done. Someone linked it here on this sub once and now that I have gone long I don’t have time to find it (I can try to find it later when I have time and add as an edit). EDIT: it was from the founder of OkCupid, data mining, and [here it is ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/dataclysm-shows-men-are-attracted-to-women-in-their-20s-2014-10%3famp) Men and women who identified I believe as cishet across the age spectrum of 18-50s were shown photos of the opposite sex and asked who they were most sexually attracted to. Women in the range of I believe like 80+% chose men within a five year range of their own age. This includes the much older women. Something horrifying like 90% of men ACROSS THE BOARD OF AGES chose 21 year old women. The date never for higher than 24 year old women. The fact that men mostly only had the courage to message women closer to their own age doesn’t change the fact that men deep down find their most attracted sexual desires in very, very young women. This has always stuck with me. My own journey out of the patriarchy has been a bumpy one. My own stepfather groped me once I developed breasts despite telling me constantly that he would “blow that morherfucker’s face off” if my pedophile biological father ever showed up at the door. I understand now that it was projection because he sexualized me. Still, I found so much comfort in extremely conservative Christianity until I realized that they, too, are about the patriarchy and power and the control of women, our bodies, our minds, and even our lives by making us home- and baby-making machines. I hope you can get therapy and speak to someone about this. You can simply tell your parents that you want to focus on your mental health and be the best you and address some issues—they don’t have to know it’s because your own dad now makes you uncomfortable because of his sexual and partner choices. I am sorry you have to deal with this, but also that intuitive part of you that says, “This is really fucked up,” is spot on and you should feel absolutely seen, heard, and encouraged to engage in your feelings about this. That is what empowers you as you grow older to not fall for this shit. Any man who tells you how mature you are for your age, how he wishes women his age were more like you, how it just isn’t fair that someone as amazing as you isn’t a bit older so the age gap wouldn’t seem as weird—but that it also doesn’t matter because age is just a number—is waving huge red flags. So rarely do these men stay committed to that much younger partner. Often when the partner reaches her mid-thirties or forties and starts deciding not to put up with bullshit he just hits reset and finds another younger woman to restart the process. This happens over and over and our culture shrugs it off, because “men just be like that.” Well, yes, they do. Doesn’t mean we have to just accept it. Sending you loving energy and hope that you can see someone to process these feelings. But even if you can’t please let yourself feel them and don’t just shove them away.💙💜


DuderComputer

>This includes women in the “life phase” of having children. Which, let’s be honest, she’s closer to her teenage years and your life stage, just as a very young mother, than she is middle-aged like your father. This is some next level delusion.


CeruleanRose9

Okay, “duder.”


ThrowRAinair

I couldn’t read all of what you said because I’m spent, but I will support you in that age gaps create a power imbalance. The age gap couples I’ve known all had an abusive older partner. It’s creepy because it’s often (in my experience, always) older men using naive girls as long-term fleshlights that they’ll eventually throw away and start with a fresh woman. Use her energy/happiness up. Rinse, repeat. With how often age gap relationships are dumpster-fires, I don’t understand how people aren’t asking why. The reasons are what’s creepy


CeruleanRose9

So much of American (in particular, though western culture in general has a lot of this) culture is rooted in thin, blonde, doe-eyed, innocent, virginal, hairless, submissive women being the ideal. Is rooted in pedophilia and the belief that men deserve ripe and fertile young women and it was just meant to be this way. It isn’t, and plenty of us feminists are 🔥🔥🔥 sexually, but it’s terrifying to the status quo engrained in our cultural reality.


IsaLana

Totally agree. Also, men aren't "naturally" like that, they choose to be that way and our culture accepts it.


CeruleanRose9

I’m sorry for the downvotes you are getting. idgaf because men and women have this patriarchal bullshit engrained in them and are truly ignorant to history and how you can go back to the Greeks and find how they stole myths from other cultures (the egalitarian Etruscans, for example) and made them patriarchal and focused on Zeus and alpha male gods, and then how that happened in western culture as the Romans spread and stole pagan myths and holidays and then wrapped it up in patriarchal Christianity once it became state religion. People like to believe this is all natural and that they freely made choices yet that this is just the way it’s supposed to be, and they don’t like having their beliefs challenged. But it’s reality and those of us who know better get to live better and do better.


IsaLana

I don't care about the downvotes. I know it's unpopular to point out the pedo culture, had to learn it the hard way. I'm so done with debating these topics tho, because people refuse to read a book and are in love with their own lies, but shoutout to you for still having energy to speak your mind like this.


CeruleanRose9

I’m passionate and communicate best via writing, and firmly believe that someone will read what I said and it will stick with them. Hopefully OP at least will read it and it will get down in her mind and when she doubts herself it will bug her and stick with her. But I know I am proof that people can wake up, so I’ll keep being annoying. Plus I have 24k karma in less than a year by, in general, being a helpful human so I’m not going to stress about those whose minds are warped by pedo culture.


lolyupmyez

Does your dad even consider your opinion? if he doesnt you have a tight to be mad but you should try and meet her or smth dude


GodrichOfTheAbyss

Age at that stage of their life when they are mature is irrelevant, their life goals are probably the same, similar to any 2 people who have kids, find a life partner and grow a family. If she was childless and was just dating it would be different.


karp1234

I can see why you’re uncomfortable but they seem to be in pretty similar life stages. I am 26 and wouldn’t find it weird to be in a relationship with a 38 year old if we had things in common. You don’t need to feel like you have a motherly connection with her. Just respect her as a person. If they get serious then I’d sit down and chat with your dad about your concerns there.


MisterMetal

Half his age + 7, it’s kosher.


A-S-ISO_Man

Isn't this how porns start? 😂


cassowary32

You have two years before you are off to college or living independently (hopefully). As long as they are treating each other respectfully and not forcing you guys to pretend to be a perfect blended family, it's going to be fine. I'd be more worried about how she treats your younger siblings than her age, honestly.


ancientent

Most...that's my point. If you want someone that can, you need to look at older men who are more likely to have made their cut in this world, some kid who is still tinkering.


CaptainRubio

You think that’s bad we’ll my mom is 50 and I’m 25 and she married a guy who’s only 3 years older than me… he’s 28 ffs.


kboy1919

My(M25) girlfriend(f35) is ten years older than I am and has two sons 10 years younger than I am. It’s not weird. We’ve been a happy family for four years now. If it’s working out between them just give it time.


ozzybozy

Your feelings are completely valid and very common to persons who have had similar experiences/circumstances affect their family. That said, you've also got to accept that your father as well as his girlfriend are both adults that are deserving of love. As long as their relationship is both legal and consentual, then there is nothing wrong with it. Instead of focusing on her age, try to focus on her as a person. Is she loving and respectful to your dad? Is she respectful to his time and relationship with his family? Is she open and willing to get to know you and your siblings? Is she accepting of the fact that he has children and doesn't try to block you guys out of the family dynamic they're hoping to establish if they decide to blend families? If she checks all the right boxes, then you don't have to see her as your mom or anything, just a new addition to the family who happens to love your dad as much as you do. Try to be open and give her a chance, she might surprise you.


zemat28

Half your age plus seven is a good rule to live by. She falls in the limit so all good.


tiffanysonreddit

My father's ex wife was 5 years older than me. His current girlfriend is 1 year older than me. I gave up letting it get weird, and actually get along really well with the girlfriend!


Wolvesaremyjam

I am hearing some great examples that are helping open my mind. But why do older men always seek out younger women? Most divorced or older women normally seek out around their same age and though they can seek out younger men they are judged more then men. Any reason for that?


yttanx

It's totally fine. You're going to have to deal with this you're entire life due to having a very young father. You're still a child now so it probably doesn't make much sense, but when you're in your 30's you're going to realize that there's not much difference between yourself and someone in their mid 20s. ​ And you're not just "only 10 years apart". You are literally an infant compared to someone in their mid 20's. Don't get caught up on the number.


stomachfullofbats

I don’t know why people are being so condescending to you. I find that older people in these subs get pretty defensive when the story hits a little too close to home for them. I think it’s perfectly normal to question why this woman is in your dads life, regardless of age. I can tell you’re just trying to come to terms with the fact that your dad is dating a younger woman and I think the shock is normal. Especially because she comes with kids and they could potentially become apart of your family (which is also probably weird to think about because you’re just used to things being a certain way in your family). Change can be uncomfortable, even scary sometimes but my best advice to you would be to just try and give her a chance. She’s young, but not some crazy, inappropriate age. Try not to make any negative judgements about her before you actually get to meet her and talk with her. You may find that you have some things in common. Also, allow yourself some time to get used to this new dynamic. Everything your feeling is normal and it’s weird being a child of divorce. I wish you best of luck!!


boomstk

You should talk to your dad about talking to a Therapist about this situation it can give you a good prespective.


Annonymous_97

I went through the exact same thing around your age. She's only ten years older than me, while the age gap between her and my dad is 20. I was unhappy with it in the beginning, but it comes down to timing more than anything (she was brought over from another country, moved in, and married all within a year of my parents' divorce). Still, I'm with everyone else saying to at least give her a chance. Me and her aren't anything close, but we're cordial, and she's always treated me and my brother with kindness. And the two of them are still married, so that has to count for something lol My only wish for my situation was for my mom to have been treated as nicely as his current wife has been. If nothing seems off, then at the very least be amicable and open. But you don't have to force a relationship you're ultimately not interested in having.


Hauptbank2

I'm 20 my dad's (45) girlfriend is 22.We don't talk anymore.


1Angel17

I’m 26, my dads wife is 33 & he’s 46. She’s pregnant 🥴


Dennei

My stepmom is 4 years older than me. Her daughter she had later with my dad treats me like a mom, it’s like she’s my sister. Nothing is always sunshine and rainbows and i agree this behaviour is creepy af but it will get better If i can help with anything let me know


Wgray9

It's none of you business dude be a kid and live you best years man


F4respect

Ive seem this porno before. Dad away for weekend son pleases step mom and fucks her in the asss


outKastOW

Honestly not that bad op, however I understand how it can be a bit uncomfortable to you, you should probably talk to your dad and hear him out


existentialvices

Lol get over yourself


Civil_Ad_1466

My dad married a woman who was 20+ years younger than him. He was like 39, she was 19, I was 16 and my brother was 13. He knocked her up and I have a younger sister through her, and my sister is now 22 with 2 kids. They divorced and my current stepmother is only 10 years older than me. I'm 35 now and she's 45. It may seem like a big deal now, but it really isn't.


RedFoxcx

I can see why you're feeling weird about it. You're 16 so age gaps can seem too big to you, but it's normal. You can express to your dad how you feel though. But I think as long as he is happy you can be happy for him. If you want weird my boyfriend is 29 and his step mother is a year older than him. His dad has been with her for about 5 years. I've only met her once and her English is limited to pleasantries (hello, how are you, nice to meet you).


MetalMikeJr

Sounds to me like what people think of you is more important to you than your father being happy. As long as she's a consenting adult that is not abusive towards either one of you...then you should be happy for him.