FINAL UPDATE Me 25M my father 55M had an affair with my Fiancee 25F
By - eganist
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Good for you, dude. For being the bigger and better person. Work on yourself and never stop growing and changing
He really sounds like he is on the road to recovery.
Hope he has a bright future ahead.
Dude, I’m glad you took the time to update. I’m glad your doing better then I expected. Your the man! Keep on going forward, as you were able to tell, there were lots of people rooting for you and really worried. Take care and keep doing what makes you happy.
ETA: I thing what you did with the engagement ring was above all the best slap in the face with class I have ever seen. Score one for the good guy
Just when I think I've heard everything, something like this comes along. The stupidity and insensitivity of people never ceases to amaze! What is equally incredible, though, is your resilience and determination to get through this with your sanity intact. You're seeing a therapist, you've cut ties with those who hurt you, and you're optimistic about the future. Just want to encourage you to allow yourself to grieve. You've lost three important people in your life in a relatively short period of time. I'm glad you have a friend to support you, and I imagine you have many more as well. Give yourself time, and one day you'll find someone you can trust with your heart.
I think I might have folded if it had not been for the other people in my life, hell I might have gotten back together with her again.
Because there were times I woke up alone in my apartment actually missing her.
If I had been alone with those thoughts I might out of fear of being alone have forgiven her.
Nah man you’d be waking up thinking all is well with her until you remember what happened. You’d feel disgusted for the rest of your life with such person. Not worth even toying with such idea.
You’re lonely and that’s understandable. You will not feel lonely forever tho. There will be someone who will fill that gap without reminding of your ex.
And as for your dad - you know damn well their relationship won’t last and down the line he will come to apologise. Whether you can forgive him or not it’s up to you but I personally would cut him off for good.
> Because there were times I woke up alone in my apartment actually missing her
Not exactly: You were missing the person you *thought* she was.
We can never 100% know another person, unfortunately your mental image of who she is was off the mark in a bad way.
Just keep that in mind. She has shown you who she truly is, your mental image of her as a cheater and such is the more correct mental image. But it still hurts to miss the illusion that she had created of who she was.
It's great to hear that you're doing better. Honestly, it's kind of hard to wrap your head around this one. What did they expect you to do after confessing?
From your previous posts it almost sounded like your dad thought your reaction was a bit over the top (it wasn't).
Not that it's an excuse, but do you think your father is completely in his right mind? This just seems so messed up to me. Anyways, I wish you the best.
Honestly I wondered but I will probably never get a truthful answer and honestly I think my ex-fiancee is the one dealing with a mental issue.
They are both mentally messed up let's just leave it at that, no fiance and father should be fucking behind anyone, the 3FS don't work, just focus on yourself and someday you are gonna laugh at the absurdity of it, probably stay away from your father in the future
I'm so glad you asked this question. I just cannot understand what their intentions were. Did they expect forgiveness and a continuation of Friday night dinners and family life?
No not fake I can assure you I even got contacted by a girl on reddit who experienced her boyfriend sleeping with her mom and the way her story ended was way worse than mine.
The BF out of shame committed suicide and her mom disowned her and she did not have a big social network as I had.
That poor girl dealt with that on her own and if she could move forward then I have no excuse who have my own place and supportive people around me.
I believe you're referring to this one ? - [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3h37bz/24f_my_bf_25m_of_3_years_cheated_on_me_with_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3h37bz/24f_my_bf_25m_of_3_years_cheated_on_me_with_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Her mum disowned her?
Hoping it was the other way around because the mum can just fuck off.
I do not understand how people can sleep with their SO relatives and the other way around. Just if they are both widowed, for a father to sleep with his son fiancee is so gross, there are 99,99% women on earth that are not engaged to his son...He is also old enough to be her father.
Focus on your healing process OP, keep your mind busy, explore new hobbies. Good luck and maybe your friend is the one for you
Good to read your update.
Such an AH move on the part of both your No Dad and his gf ( your ex fiancé). You father is the biggest b in town.
They wanted you to break off the engagement so they could get together… they will now wait for the dust to settle down. It’s seems like your fiancé is soon going to graduate into step mother position.
Please remain NC with your dad - he will be counting on smoothing things over after some time. Do not get manipulated.
Glad you have the support of friends. There will be light at the end
Good for you, OP. Move ahead with your life these people don't even deserve to matter.
Don’t ever go back. Move forward. Scrape’em off.
Fuck that bigger person stuff.
Forever and ever, amen.
You're doing amazingly well. Hope you continue to go from strength to strength.
Glad you are doing okay fam... take it easy and live your life again
Good deal and good idea to get rid of all the reminders and triggers. Double power for dating the former BFF now.
And I can guarantee you your Father and this Ex of yours will be miserable at some point and the whole thing will come crashing down. I mean it sounds like they've already had consequences but I mean like... She's gonna start screwing everything that moves in a few years if she isn't already. Source: my wife's Uncle who started dating one of his HS students at 17 while married with a kid. Got divorced from that wife and the whole thing is a disaster a decade or so later.
Am I the only one who ships OP with ex's ex bff? She sounds really nice and supportive! (also, how upset would ex be if she found out lol)
Honestly, I wish OP all the best and I hope he stays NC.
Those two deserve each other.
Damn dude you are far more mature than me and I'm in my late 30s I would totally send her a video of me nailing her best friend. Seriously though you deserved better and I'm sorry this happened to you. Things will get better and as everyone else has said, do not talk to dad or ex.
This makes me want to go through and purge my belongings. I do it once a year, mainly clothes, accessories, art supplies, dishes, etc. Sometimes decorations, but those are turning sentimental. My partner doesn't like to purge, he holds on to everything "just in case"... (We both grew up poor, took a loooong time for me to be able to purge like I do).
What I've learned from it tho... We all need a fresh start sometimes. It isn't healthy to hang on to every little thing, and it can be so toxic... For a lot of people I know, especially women, it's clothes they are too big for now because "what if I lose weight". Seeing the clothes turns into just depression and resentment.
But your purge is so important. My boyfriend believes that when you die, energy doesn't just leave, it hangs around. I think that's with when we have to make the hard decision of cutting off toxic people, too... Those things in your apartment, they hold energy. They hold memories and feelings. They symbolize significantly more than just placed to relax, and how can you relax with all that lingering around??
Anywho. Purge! Purge away that bullshit. Purge away negative feelings until you can look back and see this amazing learning experience you survived through.
I'm sorry for this comment, my friend just died, I'm sleep deprived and emotional. But through this I want you to know, internet stranger... I'm proud of you! You're hecka strong!
You seem to be handling this very painful experience in a healthy way. Good for you. Others could take a lesson from you.
You don't owe either of the other two anything so I suggest you disregard any pressure to communicate.
Take care OP and continue to be good to yourself
That is such a high road you are taking, congrats!
damn dude i hope you will get better, you deserve someone that is not a pos
their relationship will not stay for long ( relationships like that never last) and she will probably try to get with you again, dont take her back, she is anything but honest and loyal
Nice work get a nice plant and you’ll be sweet
I'm so glad you're doing OK OP!!
Edit: Thank you for taking the time to update us.
You are a much bigger person than a lot of people but you are right, staying angry and vindictive only binds you to this one phase of your life. Stay unbothered and you will move on to your next phase quicker. Good luck
I am so glad you had your friends around you, and that you also have someone close that actually knows all the details. The ex-parent and ex-fiance can live in their misery. It is not yours anymore.
I am proud of you! This breakup was no easy feat for you. I think now that it is said and done lets do a group hug & peck on the cheek. We all need this!
so many fucky situations on this planet man, sounds like you got your head on straight though. good luck going forward.
Hopefully both of them drown. It is what they deserve.
Good luck with your recovery, and spit on your fathers grave.
You bought a new bed and couch and sold the old ones and redecorated!! in one weekend!??
We’ve been trying to buy a new sofa for months. Ended up getting a mattress topper because we couldn’t decide on a new bed either.
You did it all in one weekend and didn’t even have to wait for delivery!?
Well done, you deserve all the happiness for being the bigger person. You dodged a ticking time bomb and saved a bunch of your life from misery.
I am so fucking proud of you!
Such a smart move redecorating and removing some items tainted by the ex.
That book is closed, you now get to write a new one.
I’m glad you have your mum’s ring. You’re a good man, I hope you don’t mind me saying I’m sure she would be very proud of you and the integrity you’ve shown navigating this situation. I am and I don’t know you.
Love and hugs x
You sound like a great person, can't imagine what you're going through. You're better off, king.
Glad you are doing better. Hope you never have to see them again.
Just remember in the end your ex will be taking care of her 70 year old husband in 15 years. And you’ll be with some very beautiful woman who adores you with some kids maybe. Good luck dude you got this.
I honestly cannot put myself in your shoes.
I will simply state that you're a better person than I, and leave it there.
All the best in the future OP.
So happy to read this update. I remember your original post but missed the next one until now.
I'm really glad you're doing well and that you have support. Sounds like the BFF is a good sort.
Not every day will be easy. Some of that hurt will never truly go away, but it'll be less each day and that which remains you'll learn to manage. You've already proven how strong you are.
I hope things continue to get better for you.
i wish for you a bright and sunshiney future. i’m glad you won’t let bitterness and anger fester in you. take care of yourself!
you just proved yourself to be the alpha of your relationship men congrats!🥳
Good for you man, you've handled this far better than a lot of people would have. Sending you good vibes and best wishes going forward.
I ain't gonna lie you are very mature. I would personally let EVERYBODY know about what they're doing, after all, nobody wants to be involved with someone doing sick ass shit like that. It really does suck tho, but as you said, it's good that you found out of this before you married your ex. One last thing, if your dad ever ask for forgiveness, nah bro, I don't care what type of excuse he can come up with, a real father would never do that to his son. The moment he decided to do that shit, he accepted that he was going to lose you.
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